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Blog Archives

Gender Male

Was: a witness

City: Chennai

Was wearing I don’t remember
Reaction: Helpless, Passively Endured

Incident was: One time

Perpetrator was a Friend or acquaintance and aged Less than 20

Experience:
I was in my 10th Standard and was returning from some classes in Ashok Nagar with a few of my classmates. We were three in the cycle in which we were riding. I was in the front, another classmate was riding the bike and a third one was in the back.
A few college girls were passing by and the guy sitting in the back started passing some comments on the girls. I was annoyed by his behaviour and got down from the cycle and started walking my way back when suddenly the other 2 guys turned around the cycle to

the direction in which the girls were going and started riding fast. When they got closer the bastards slapped the back of one of the girls and fled.
It was such a disgusting feeling as I had a sister back home who would have been as uncomfortable with such an incident.
I met those guys again the next day and gave them a lot of gyan on why they should not have done it …blah blah… but it never really sunk into their head…
For some weird reason I never severed relationship with these perverts until the early stages of my career and today looking at what they have done to their co-workers, family or others around I wish I realised that perverts should be made outcast as early as possible and not be allowed to mingle with the society.

My lesson from this is that if any of us find people around us who do not fit our moral values better stay away from them as they hardly change… I may be wrong and some may really change but I’ve not known anyone who has been a pervert in School days but changed later to be a

responsible and moral citizen.FINE ART PRINTS, CHILDREN

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Gender man

Was: a witness
City: Society/Gurgaon
Was wearing Long Skirt and top
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)

Perpetrator was a Neighbour and aged 20-30

Incident was : One time

Experience:
This happened to a close friend of mine, in 2010 when she was around 21 years old. I am going to narrate this in first person, as she had told to me. I think it will have a better effect.

To take a break from stress, I had gone with two long-time close male friends whom I and my family trusted, to a regular pub. After some drinks I had become unexpectedly drowsy. We were about to leave, and were approached by a guy whom I just knew from my neighbourhood. He’d asked me out once but nothing had come off it and we weren’t friends or anything. This man claimed to be my friend from my society and offered to drop me home. I was too drowsy at the time to confirm or deny, and my friends, with a few drinks in themselves, thought it to be convenient and so loaded me into his car and let me go.
I was in a totally dazed state at the time and had only fleeting glimpses of where I was and what was going on. We entered my society, and he led me up the building. But after we entered the apartment it turned out it wasn’t my home; it was his. I was totally confused at the time and was asking where my home was. He didn’t even bother asking me or explaining his intentions to me. He lay me down, undressed me and himself, and only when he was just about to enter me, God knows what force took over me but I reacted and pushed him off with my legs violently. This convulsion finally forced me back to some degree of consciousness, and struck some fear in him. I figured out what was going on, screamed at him, pulled my stuff back together and ran out of there and got back home.

At home I broke down completely and after a long time was able to relay the events to my mother. But I just didn’t have the heart to tell anything to my father. After recovering a bit by the next day, I confronted the man who tried to rape me, and he pretended total innocence, claiming that I was in by consent, and asked me to forget the whole thing and move on!

When I told my friends (who were supposed to look after me) about the events, they first defended themselves without even bothering to understand what I’d just been through! I don’t even remember what I had said to them in my drowsiness, but according to them it was enough to completely trust a stranger with me! They shifted the blame to me, saying I should have told them properly. How the hell could I have, in the state I was in?? I had gone WITH them specifically so they could step in and PROTECT me in case I can’t protect myself. Oh, and the best defense all three of these men had for themselves: “It’s not my fault, I was drunk, not completely in my senses.”

It was a very long time, several weeks of crying and questioning before my friend was able to move on to some degree of normalcy. She didn’t have the ability to approach the police and risk all that exposure (especially a place like Gurgaon!). So that bastard got away and who knows, he might have repeated it again with other women also by now. Heck, she couldn’t even tell her dad or siblings. Her own childhood friends had abandoned her and then shrugged off all responsibility. Anything could have happened to her that night. It was sheer luck that it happened in her own housing colony that she was able to run back to her home on foot. Many others in her place have not been so lucky. For a long time after this she would keep asking me if there was something wrong with her, if really somehow she was to blame for what happened, and if not then why does the world act like it?

I was very disturbed on hearing this. I had just moved to another city and could do nothing except be a listener and consoler. We could not bring any attention to the matter – her father was NOT to know. The attacker is at best, another regular young male just like me. When with my buddies we regularly fantasized and joked about one-night stands, “if only I could get some chick drunk enough so I can bang her”. The same thoughts must have run through that guy and without caring about her consent, he jumped at the opportunity. But upon seeing this from my friend’s perspective, and listening and feeling how it feels to be on the receiving end, I was just shaken completely and left questioning my manhood, my ego, everything that made me proud of myself as a man. What if I or one of

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my friends ends up doing something like this?

I think the best way to prevent something like this from happening with others, is to share the story and shame other men for the attitude we have towards women. I’m doing this for her and for everyone who has or will be through such an experience, and for everyone who’s ever thought of doing something like this to a woman. I know I have. Thank you for creating a space for this.

*-Name changed on requestimages

2 Comments

Gender man

Bystander intervention
City: Restaurant/Bangalore
Was wearing Jeans and Shirt
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 20-30

Experience:
I was out with a group of friends and one of my female friends, Lakshmi received a phone call. She looked very disturbed and asked one of my male friends to say hello to whoever was on the line.  My male friend was pretty non-chalant and Lakshmi looked disappointed with his equivocal response. After he hung up, I inquired the details. Apparently, Lakshmi was being stalked by a stranger for the last two weeks. He used to call her at all odd hours. Threats, playing music on the phone etc. didn’t help. He even knew all her whereabouts. I got terribly angry to hear this from her and to my luck, he called again. This time, I lifted the call. However he cut the call on hearing my sound. Then I called him back. This time he spoke to me. I then shouted at him. He at first tried to joke with me and when I told him I will call the police,  he was shocked.  He exclaimed ‘you will call police!’, and then he told me it was wrong number and cut the call.  I knew he was clearly afraid when I spoke about police.   I was boiling with rage and advised Lakshmi to take it very seriously. At that time, this male friend of mine and a couple of others made comments about me being “paranoid” and “lecturing too much.” I remember everyone in the restaurant looking at me strangely. But later I was happy to know that the guy never called Lakshmi again.

So yes, strong reactions are needed even to curb small things. A woman shouldn’t be violated in any way.378885_10150564869241240_3653392_n

2 Comments

Gender woman

Was: a witness
City: Hyderabad
Was wearing Chudithar/Salwar Kameez with dupatta
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : Recurring

Perpetrator was a Friend or acquaintance and aged Less than 20

Experience:
This is not just a passing moment but a tortuous one year ordeal of a young girl about 13-14 years.

The beautiful girl that I am talking about was in her 11th standard when she was stalked by a male senior student from her college (He was infact just one among the lot she had to face every day at college). Inspite of the girl’s indifference towards him, he persistently talked to her and eventually expressed his interest in her. Not withstanding rejection he then threatened to harm her else to harm himself.

Through all this the girl could do nothing but be scared and pray that she does not have to face any awkward situation. This said the girl could not even express her anguish to her parents as they reprimanded her when they sensed the attention their beautiful daughter received ( no mistake of hers).

fortunately, the girl did not get to see a bad day, however the lone battle was very difficult for her especially at such a young age. Today as i read through ibreakmysilence.org i see many similar stories. And I believe that this is a result of society’s attitude (including

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parents) towards a victim in sexual harassment cases. Most people even today see the victim rather than the perpetrator as the cause of the mishap (as we hear people blame it on woman’s clothes else her socializing nature etc.,.). From all this I just want to say that if we let go of this attitude, no woman would be ashamed or hesitant to share her stories and would garner strength to fight back and avoid domestic violence at the least!

jeans-banned-at-indian-school-over-eve-teasing-1355159778-4431

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Gender man

Was: a witnessabt_raghu
City: Mumbai train
Was wearing Chudithar/Salwar Kameez with dupatta
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

Experience:
I was in a train with a female friend of mine. In the moving train she suddenly started crying and I asked her what happened. She said the guy behind her groped her. I was wild and at the next station pulled the guy out and gave him a thrashing. He was sounding so aplologetic. I was gonna then let it go. Suddenly three of his mates came by and asked what happened. There was a transformation on his face which was remarkable. He stands up to me and said, “I will do it again and lets see what you do about it”. Till this time NO ONE on a busy Mumbai platform intervened. When my friend screamed and some people started moving towards them the hooligans ran away. I wonder how out of 1000+ people not even 10 muster courage

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to stop something like this.

Didnt even bother going to the police since would have got no response from them either. Just walked away. However if this incident or something like this happens in my presence I promise I will intervene and do something even then.

4 Comments

Gender woman

Was: a witness
City: Train/Kerala

Was wearing Short skirt and top

Reaction: Reacted (yelling,complaining,slapping, fighting back)

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

Experience:379553_2271329197209_311887713_n

Every lady will have a tale of sexual harassment she faced or witnessed when they look into their past. I too have many a stories to share. The most bizarre fact is that you are foretold that it is going to happen with you one day or the other. I was told by my mother and aunts that I am going to face it in different forms; once I start traveling alone; when I am alone at home; when a family member hugs in such a way that I feel uncomfortable etc. When I joined college the first advice from my aunt was to carry a ‘safety pin’ at the end of my Dupatta. And I did it till a point I realized it’s not safety pins that protected me from those maniacs, but my courage and my luck.

I’m sharing an incident to which I happened to be a witness. I was pursuing my masters in Delhi and was traveling from Kerala. Three days in a train with strangers, and I made sure

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that I got an upper berth. I was the lone woman in that coupe, and there was a man, consuming alcohol, and that made me a bit uncomfortable. He was so drunk that he tore the window curtains while getting up from his seat. I thought about shifting to the next coupe where I found three women, one of whom around my age. But I stayed back comforting myself.

I wasn’t comfortable sleeping in that space those two nights. I woke up on the second night hearing some noise in the coach. After a while, i figured out that a man tried to grope the girl in the next coupe where I thought of shifting. I had seen him talking very friendly to the family during the day. Hardly anyone ever expected him to act that way. She screamed and he was caught. Some men took took him outside the coach and had a conversation. I don’t know what went on there, but I saw him leaving the coach with his luggage. No one filed any complaint.

I looked for the drunkard in my coupe; he was sleeping without ever knowing what was going around. I felt sad for the victim and at the same time the selfish in me comforted that it didn’t happen to me. I felt relieved that i did not shift to that coupe.

1 Comment

CIMG3330_crGender man

Was: a witness
City: Outside a bar || Trichy

Was wearing salwar kameez chudithar without dupatta

Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 20-30

Experience:

This incident occurred late at night outside a bar in Trichy about 5 years ago.

After a few drinks, I was heading to the bus stop when I saw a woman in her early 20s being harassed by two men(presumably drunk). One of the men was calling on the phone for his mates to arrive to the spot. Fearing the worst, I decided to confront the pair. I was pushed to the ground and a scuffle broke out. In the melee, the woman managed to run away to safety. Somehow, I knocked one of them out. But the other chap disappeared in the mean time.

The noise attracted the attention of an off-duty policeman. He gave me a moralising lecture on why I shouldn’t hang out late at night drinking and that I shouldn’t be indulging in such behaviour as a student.

To this day I dread to think of the consequences had I not interfered. Also, it was a sad realisation that the sociopathic, ill-educated, emotionally retarded criminal scum have always found a welcoming home in the police forces.

4 Comments

Gender woman

Was: a witness
City: Auto/Delhi
Was wearing Jeans and Shirt
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

Experience:
Saw a bunch of guys, grabbing a female and forcing her in an auto.
She yelled for attention.
After some 5 min, the auto was gone !1922590-Delhi-auto-rickshaw-0

4 Comments

Gender woman

Was: a witness
City: Bus/Hyderabad
Was wearing Sari/Half Sari
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Family member or Relative and aged 30-40

Experience:
Many perverse acts against the modesty of Indian girls/boys/women happen in public areas and this story is no different. I personally have lost count of the grazing, brushing, touching, obscene staring incidents that I have been through. But this is a story of my mother’s.  The reason I want to highlight my mum’s experience is to emphasize that no woman in India  feels safe in public places, no matter her age. Around 11 years ago, (I would put her in the middle-age category), she was travelling with my dad in a state-owned government bus in Hyderabad. The bus was crowded and  they were standing throughout the journey.  A youngish chap decided to act fresh and push and graze and brush from behind. My firebrand father noticed it and  gave hell and hellfire and all hell related synonyms to this priceless gem of an idiot. The other passengers were in splits because of the entertaining abuses and the continuous verbal tirade against that guy. The guy was shamed into getting down. My father apparently still didn’t calm down and continued on a spiel to everyone in the bus about morals, ethics, so on and so forth.
A shout out to a man like my father who always stepped in such awkward situations, even when it did not involve his female relatives.  A shout out to the few bus conductors in Hyderabad who have actively tried to make sure female passengers were safe. A shout out to Keenan Santos and Reuben Fernandes who bravely tried to save their friends. A shout out to my mum for being vocal about one of her many terrible experiences.IMAG0080

2 Comments

4167512864Was: a witness
City: Madurai

Victim was wearing Long Skirt and top

Incident was : One time

Reaction : Moved away silently
Perpetrator was a stranger, in the age group of 20-30

Experience:
My sister and I returned home in the night at around 8. My mom asked her to buy some things from the nearby shop. Our house is located at the outskirts of the city. So the area was not well developed: No proper street lights were there. My sister returned crying and shocked. We asked her what happened, she kept on crying. Then she told us that a guy followed her on a bike and reached out for her neck and she didn’t know how to react, so she sped up the bike and came home. Immediately, my dad left home to check who that was, but that idiot wasn’t there. It took days for us to make her come out of her shock. One cannot wait for the police to be on the prowl at every street corner all the time awaiting acts of eve teasing, the sad fact is that not many eve teasers are brought to book.The police see through the seemingly innocent pleas of an eve teaser and take stern action against these shameless offenders, but that is only when the matter comes to their notice or eve teasers are brought to them by public action.The sense of shame will ensure that they never turn to such a thing again and further this will serve

as a severe warning for others who even think of indulging in it.

1 Comment
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