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Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: Bangalore
Was wearing Sari/Half Sari
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Neighbour and aged 20-30

Everyone shared their experiences in which the man / woman had been helpless victims. What about relationship or friendship as adults we enter into with a wrong person which ends up in a mishap. These are relationships we encourage or knowingly enter into . Forgive my english .
First of all I would like to state my own case . I grew up in a joint family with my cousin brothers and neighbours . Our neighbour had one daughter of my age and a son of my younger cousin brother ‘s age. We grew up together playing in the streets . After my marriage , my husband left abroad and I came to live with my parents for nearly two years. I had given birth to my daughter by then. My neighbour ‘s daughter was also married , settled abroad and was expecting her first child. Hence her mom left abroad to attend her . Her son was in the final year medicine . He use to call me sister as I was much elder to him. Since we were neighbours from childhood he use to visit my house often and play with my daughter. After his mom left abroad he had faced some problems in his college which he use to share with me. I regarded him like my brother and offer him food whenever he comes to my place., since his mother was abroad .after a few weeks I noticed difference in his behaviour ,

in the way he spoke and looked at me. One day when he came home I was sleeping in the living room in sofa when I felt that he had pressed my chest . I woke up with a jerk luckily my mom came out of the kitchen and he moved away. She didn’t notice or suspect as he is like my cousin brother . I didn’t tell anyone but till this day I feel I should have seen it coming . He became very emotionally dependent on me for the few months, but I didn’t suspect anything wrong since he was much younger to me, medical professional who had chance of meeting girls of his age . I am in my forties today but I m still doubtful of boys educated or not .images

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Gender woman

Was: a witness
City: Bus/Hyderabad
Was wearing Sari/Half Sari
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Family member or Relative and aged 30-40

Many perverse acts against the modesty of Indian girls/boys/women happen in public areas and this story is no different. I personally have lost count of the grazing, brushing, touching, obscene staring incidents that I have been through. But this is a story of my mother’s.  The reason I want to highlight my mum’s experience is to emphasize that no woman in India  feels safe in public places, no matter her age. Around 11 years ago, (I would put her in the middle-age category), she was travelling with my dad in a state-owned government bus in Hyderabad. The bus was crowded and  they were standing throughout the journey.  A youngish chap decided to act fresh and push and graze and brush from behind. My firebrand father noticed it and  gave hell and hellfire and all hell related synonyms to this priceless gem of an idiot. The other passengers were in splits because of the entertaining abuses and the continuous verbal tirade against that guy. The guy was shamed into getting down. My father apparently still didn’t calm down and continued on a spiel to everyone in the bus about morals, ethics, so on and so forth.
A shout out to a man like my father who always stepped in such awkward situations, even when it did not involve his female relatives.  A shout out to the few bus conductors in Hyderabad who have actively tried to make sure female passengers were safe. A shout out to Keenan Santos and Reuben Fernandes who bravely tried to save their friends. A shout out to my mum for being vocal about one of her many terrible experiences.IMAG0080


Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: Al Nasr Leisurland, Green Room, Dubai, United Arab Emirates
Was wearing Sari/Half Sari
Reaction: Helpless, Passively Endured

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 20-30

This happened when I was in 3th or 4th grade, during an Onam dance program that was happening at Al Nasr Leisureland, Dubai. I was one among the participants of this dance drama and I was dressed like a small little Unniyaarcha ( Ancient Kerala Princess). I was with my friends, all ready and dressed up for my show to roll, and my mom went outside to sit among to crowd to tape my show. The green room of the hall did not have access to any strangers,It was a light dimmed room, with just 3-4 small rooms and only participants and their mothers were allowed there.

As I was playing with my other friends before the show, I was approached by this stranger,a tall dark man, in his 20-30’s, bald and a typical Mallu who kept smiling at me all the time, and offered to buy me a sandwich. As a kid, I hardly knew who he was, and thought he was one of my father’s friend, because he was being really nice, making sure my dress is right, my make up was on and also made sure I

ate well. Now I understand he only did this, to not be questioned by the other people to know what he was doing in the green room with me. When questioned, he told me he was my uncle and the others let him be. I was scared at that time, because I knew he was not my uncle, he kept holding my hands for a long time and they were not anymore gentle. He held them for a long time and his hands were going down to my chest, shoulders and he was pressing me hard near my waist. When the other kids left the room to play on the other side. He quickly took me to the men’s washroom. I was scared, didn’t know what to do. I tried to pull myself away, and thought screaming would cause trouble to me. I tried my best to push myself, I was crying from inside, because I knew something was going to go wrong and this is not good. His hold was too firm, that I also thought, I did try to do anything, he might just pull me away and that would ruin my costume, as I had a show in sometime.

The men’s wash room was bare, no one was around. I was sad, crying because there wasn’t a single soul I could call out to. He locked me in a bathroom, pulled up my costume, pulled down my panties then he pulled out his penis and started dry humping me from the backside. I did not know what he was doing to me. I knew what he was doing was wrong, and he kept rubbing my chest, and pleasuring himself. He asked me to kiss him I said NO. He must have dry humped me for around 10-15 mins, and he closed my mouth, so that I wouldn’t make any noise. I started crying and tears were rolling down my cheeks, ruining my eye make up. Then he turned me around and asked me to suck his dick, I said, NO, and I don’t want to and I want to see my mother. I cried so much, that he had to stop pleasuring himself and quickly undo what all happened. He asked me to stop crying, and quickly fixed my make up. I was crying so bad, because I knew this was wrong, and I know why this happened to me! My mother always said, do not smile at strangers and take anything from strangers. I learned my lesson. He did not let me go after he satisfied himself. He asked me for my home number, and me like a kid actually gave him my number. I hardly remember his name, but I did say my name is Anu ( That’s what everyone calls me at home).

As a child, I was so ashamed. I actually felt violated, abused and also those days I thought this was rape. With a brave face, when I saw my mom,I screamed and he let me go. My mom kept asking who is he, and why were you with him. I lied to her saying, I was lost and he was helping me find you. He fled the scene, the moment I saw my mother. My mother, not realized I have been violated, quickly sent me up the stage, and I did my performance in tears. I remember this day very well. I remember going home that day, and taking a shower and rubbing myself with soap and water, to undo the dirty, nasty thing he did to me. I remember sitting in the bathroom and crying softly. I didn’t know if this was the right thing to tell my parents about it. Nor my sister or my brother! No one! I did not sleep that night. I have always blamed myself for this for being this guilty and stupid.

Few days later he called me home, asking for me. My mom picked up the call and said the call is for me. I was in 3rd grade, my mom was puzzled who could possibly call my daughter. I was this kid, who used to run about and talk to all my father’s colleagues and friends. I was scared to talk to him, he spoke to me and he was asking ‘Do you remember that evening? Do you want it again?’ I quickly slammed the phone and told my mom don’t give me any calls from now on.

After that incident, I was very scared to walk alone. Even if I am going to the nearby grocery shop, or nearby friends place, I always feel I am being followed by someone. I feel this guy is around my area and he is waiting to kidnap me and do these awful things with me again. I was scared to go out with anyone for few years. I was scared to live in Dubai, the place where I was born and raised. Still today, I have nightmares about this horrendous man, I still wake up thinking about this incident and always wished this was just a bad dream.

No one has ever known this till now, until I reached college and confined to my close friend. He was shocked and he said he was a closet homosexual and he went through this and is helpless. Till now my parents don’t know about this. I just couldn’t bring myself to narrate the harrowing details, which I didn’t even have words for. If I said also, they wouldn’t have believed me.

Never really spoken about this till date and it just vanished into a distant memory, not until similar incidents happened later, but to this extent. Been groped at the jewelers, at the bus stops and also sometimes while just walking through a busy street. This started becoming a nightmare, and I was very cautious after that. I did not really have anyone to talk to about this, and I thought if I shared this with my friends, I would become the bad girl who was touched and who is ‘impure’. I wanted to go away from this place and that’s when I decided to pursue my graduation in Manipal. I moved out and I felt I was no where in reach of that wrenched man.

Opening up to my few close friends still haven’t exactly surpassed this incident in my head. I still feel I am being followed by this man, he will still call home. He will come and ruin my life and still get nightmares where he smiling at me and holding a sandwich.

I am sad and angry when I am writing this. Why was I made the victim that time? Why couldn’t I tell anything that happened to me to my family? Why did I close myself in the bathroom all the time when I wanted to just let out and cry. Why is this man still out there and doing the same things to other kids around? Why did he smile at me, why did I take that sandwich, why did he take me to that washroom and why did he violate me? Why did that gentle smile turn into a smile which will never make me safe anymore.

I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want anyone to be a victim and feel this insecure. I want to break this silence and want to feel comfortable to talk about this to anyone.

Its been 17 years since this incident, but I am still scared inside.