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Blog Archives

Gender Male

Was: a victim
City: Train
Was wearing shorts and shirt
Reaction: Moved away silently
Incident was: One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

Experience:
Just a brief about myself first…as a kid..I have always been shy type..I have been totally unaware of things or topics related to sex till quite a long time..and anything related to sex (scenes in english movies..or even rape scenes in hindi movies..which at that time were quite prominent)were considered quite inappropriate and made my parents change the channel ASAP!

Anyways…about the incident..Its been a long time…I was most probably going to Delhi with my dad (he had some medical check up)…and I must be around 10 or 11 years old..It was day time and I was sleeping on lower berth. There was this another uncle who most probably boarded the train from same station (as he has been sitting with us for a long time and had seat in same compartment), he also lied down on the seat as there was plenty of space there. Before that he had asked my dad to go and rest on top berth as he was not well that time. After some time I felt a hand on my thighs and slowly he was groping me. I was not aware of whats going on…as mentioned…I had no idea of all these things! So I kept my eyes closed as if I was sleeping (dont know why I did that!) and maybe that encouraged him and he tried sliding his hand up in my shorts. Luckily, the shorts were a bit tight maybe and he could not succeed in what he was trying.

All this time even when I had no idea of whats going on..I was a bit uncomfortable and after some time I acted as if I was waking up and he instantly removed his hand!

This incident was long lost in my memory and I somehow recalled it while reading the posts here. Luckily for me, this incident didnt traumatize me much and I later almosst forgot about it. Maybe the reason it didnt have much impact on me was my ignorance. Had I known that I was being abused at that time…or had I known what abuse is..then maybe this incident would have scarred me for life! I would say ignorance did protect me! But, having said that..somehow I still remember this incident and some parts are still crisp clear in my memory! Maybe, if I was not that ignorant kid, I would have shouted or screamed..or maybe would have just woken up..and that would have avoided this incident!

In our society, sex education to their children is something  which makes lot of parents feel awkward…but even if some parents do have “the talk” it is when the kid is grown up (and mostly knows a lot thanks to friends, etc.). I feel if the foundation of this topic is laid at a very early age and open communication is maintained..maybe a lot of such incidents could be avoided!Metro-North_train_1567_enters_Stamford

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Gender Female

Was : a victim

City : Chennai

Was wearing : school uniform

Reaction : Moved away silently

Incident was : multiple times

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

I am sharing few incidents that hurt me the most during my child hood.

I was in 4th or 5th standard then. My father was a business man & my mom was supporting him in his business. Everyday they would leave early in the morning and sometimes returned home as late as 10  or 11 PM. During weekends, they take me with them to their office. Sometimes I refuse to go with them as it was extremely boring to sit at the office, doing nothing and preferred to stay at home.
One evening, I was watching TV lying on an easy chair. It was almost 8 PM and my parents had not returned. My neighborhood uncle, aged 35 – 40 years, came inside asking me if he could watch the TV with me as the TV in his house wasn’t working. I got up in respect, offering him the easy chair. He asked me sit on it and sat down on the floor beside me. After ten minutes, he suddenly took off my frock and started fingering. I was taken aback and did not know how to react. I became numb. I was blaming myself for not wearing underwear. He would stop every 5 to 10 minutes to see if anyone is coming and continue. I did not know how to stop him; I was praying that no one should see this as I was afraid that people might call me a bad girl. After about two hours, my parents came home.
Hearing their footsteps, he quickly covered me with my frock. My parents were surprised to see him and thanked him for looking after me when I was alone.

Once again when I was alone, he tried to use the situation. I got irritated and called him a dog. Then I shut the door in front of him and did not open it until my parents returned. He got frightened and went back. I then realized how I should react to him to send him away. But still he would disturb me whenever I were alone and try to use the situation. But I escaped from him by shouting back and
locking myself inside our house.

One noon I was returning home from school. As I opened the main gate of our house, a fat man, who came in a bicycle, stopped at our house and came to me asking for an address. Like a child, I told him where it was. He slowly asked me which standard I studied and if there were any health inspection in our school. It somehow coincided that there was indeed a health inspection that day. I told him yes and that the health checks are due to me the next day. He said he is a member of the campaign and started pressing the sides of my breast. He asked me if it hurt, I said no, thinking he is really checking my health. Then he asked me to turn back, raised my uniform and removed my underwear. He then put his palm between my buttocks and fingered my vagina from behind. He asked me if it pained. This
time I said yes, to stop him from doing it, realizing his real intention. Then he asked me to turn front to see my front part. I said no I would not. He kept talking with me for few minutes to see if I would accept. I said a strong no and then he went away in his cycle. I was feeling shameless for not realizing his intention in the first instance. I was blaming myself for being so innocent.

I had gone for a wedding with my parents when I was around 12 years of age. A guy, aged 20 approximately, was constantly watching me wherever I went. I found it uneasy but thought it is normal for guys to see girls in weddings. I wanted to go to the washroom and called my mom to accompany me. But she told me where it was and asked me to go on my own. When I was sitting in the closet, someone pushed the door hard to open it (the door was made of just an ordinary metal sheet). Even before I could get up, the door was opened and the guy who was watching me throughout the wedding was standing out. He watched me for almost 2 minutes and quickly went away hearing someone coming. I felt ashamed and ran to my parents. On my way, I saw him sitting with his gang of friends and having a nice gala time. I was bursting inside and hurriedly asked my parents to leave. My mom scolded me for asking them to leave so early. I was unable to tell my mom what happened and was silently blaming her inside my mind for not accompanying me to the washroom.

I am now the mother of a 2 years old baby girl. I do not trust any of my neighbors and ensure that she is not left alone with anyone. I will educate her on good touch & bad touch and teach her how to react if anyone ever tries to misbehave with her. I will tell her that it is not her fault and not to feel guilty if anyone ever behaves that way. Most importantly, I will ask her to share every incident with me. I think this is every parent’s responsibility.

easychair

1 Comment

Was: a victim
City: New Delhi, India
Was wearing Jeans and Shirt
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : Recurring

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged Less than 20

Experience:
So I remember this was perhaps the last week of my six-month long internship in Delhi, a part of our curriculum in college. I and a friend of mine whose name I choose not to reveal, were walking about some random street, not too far from where we were living then and, believe it or not, this is not some deserted area I am talking about. This is a street full of eateries and you have people bustling around all the time. Anyway, there I was with my friend and suddenly it struck my friend that there was this black Santro with two boys in it, and yes, though they looked like college kids they could scare the shit out of you (we all know what some of these innocent juveniles are capable of), that had been following us wherever we were going that day. We waived off the thought and went back home. The next day again the car was there. We let it go yet again. This kept happening for a week. I remember on our last day in Delhi our stalkers had followed us into the residential campus of NPL, Don’t ask me what the security guards were doing because I have no freaking idea, and they followed us till the last but one lane. This was when my friend and I just started walking about randomly because we did not want them to find out where exactly we live. They left after a while. Probably they came there the next day as well. We wouldn’t know because thankfully we were done with our internship and we left that godforsaken city. To this day I shudder to think what could have happened had we stayed there for a little longer. And often I make a joke out of it because that is what I do about almost everything that I feel helpless about.

 

 

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whosays-picGender woman

Was: a victim
City: House/College/Office
Was wearing Long Skirt and top
Reaction: Moved away silently

Perpetrator was a Friend or acquaintance and aged 20-30

Incident was : multiple times

Experience:
I had 4-5 experiences which had made me feel uncomfortable.

First incident was when I was attending math tuitions in my 9th grade. The math teacher(who was atleast 65) was touching my neck and slowly trying to move his hands downward. I pushed away his hands. My mom happened to see this when she had come to pick me up. But I continued the math tuitions which I shouldn’t have. He did not repeat it after that, though. I still feel I should have slapped him tight.

Second incident: I was alone at home and the contractor who constructed our home came to see something. I was standing and reading something.He came and groped my back. I quickly ran away and called my parents. I stayed downstairs and outside the hose till he left. My grandmother came from my cousin’s house and questioned him. I believe he was embarassed.

Third incident: It was in my office. One of my friends came and talked to me when I was in the early morning shift. No one else were in the cubicles nearby. While talking he came and kept his hand on my thighs and tried to push it up. I moved away from that spot. Somehow I did not tell him then and there. I pinged him the official messenger and told him I am not comfortable with whatever he was doing. He made some excuse and said he was trying to teach me something and bla bla bla. Today I feel I should have complained to the hr. The same guy used to ping me in messenger and talk to me about bra and stuff. I called him a pervert and blocked him in messenger.

Fourth incident: I was climbing the college stairs and one of my classmates came and groped my hips. There was no one else near by. I moved away and messaged him that I am not comfortable with gents touching me in any way. He apologized by texting.

Fifth incident:There was some email wars going on and one of the guys called me something bad. I told him that it is his girlfriend. He got pissed off and wrote 20 emails with lot of abusive stuff like I will do anything for money, sleep with your brother and a lot other things which I can’t even write here. I asked him to fuck off. I should have forwarded it to the college dean. Alas! it is too late.

I did not react or escalate these sexual/verbal abuses in all these cases above. Today I regret and believe that I should have reacted in a much better way.

1 Comment

Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: Palakkad, Kerala
Was wearing Chudithar/Salwar Kameez with dupatta
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 20-30

 

Experience:
When I go home to Kerala on vacation, my entire appearance and style of dressing undergoes a complete

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overhaul. This is not at the instance of anyone in my family or otherwise, but merely a precautionary measure I’ve adopted myself, to avoid the stares, whistles and the leering smiles. Most men in the Malayalee hinterland, it would appear, are not used to women dressing comfortably and so, for their benefit, I discard my preferred form of clothing-a pair of jeans, a tee, a skirt or a dress for the more conservative, “approved” salwar kameez with the dupatta draped most properly around my modesty.
In this particular instance, a few years ago, I had been sent by mother to pick up milk from the neighborhood provision store. It was around 6 in the evening, and a short walk to the shop and back. On my way towards the shop, I noticed a man relieving himself on the road by the gate of an abandoned plot. This was a commonly used road, and right opposite the plot stands a convent school. I caught his eye, entirely by mistake, and he smiled at me. I avoided his gaze, of course, and walked away shaking my head at the complete lack of civic sense among people. On my way back, he was still there. This time, however, he was relieving himself by other means. He had his penis out, and he was tugging at it while was staring at me, his tongue lolling out like a hungry animal. I don’t know if he meant for me

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to see him, but I did, although I pretended not to have. It must have taken me a few seconds to pass by him, and minutes later I was safely ensconced in my home, but for years afterwards, every single time that I have walked on that road, I have remembered that pathetic man and wondered how he felt that it was perfectly within his right to jerk himself off on a public road while watching me. I am braver today, of course, and I can only hope he didn’t stoop low enough to try this on the children who go to school in the convent and often hang around near the plot.me

2 Comments

Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: Trivandrum
Was wearing Chudithar/Salwar Kameez with dupatta
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

Experience:
As I read through all the experiences that these women and men share, I feel really proud. I am so proud of all the women who are starting to realize that sexual harassment in any degree is not something that they need to keep up with and I am proud of all the men who are starting to understand the seriousness of this situation and coming forward in support of their friends, sisters and mothers.

As for me, coming from a conservative society that shuns any subject that is even by far related to sex or sexuality, I had to face a couple of hard times myself to build that courage to fight this social evil.

One particular incident that pains me, happened when I was 18 years old. Being an NRI, I wasn’t very well versed with the eve teasing episodes that women go through all the time while using public transport. I used to be surprised at the surge of young eager males battling their way to any woman standing or sitting in the bus for a quick nudge, poke or touch. Or at the least, they had to pass some sort of comment on the girls who at this point were as passive as stones. Rude is not really the word for this but I didn’t realize what I was in for, until that particular day.

I was travelling in a bus to my friend’s house. There was no seats available, so standing was the only option and after a while the crowd happened to be so much that that you could hardly move your finger. And then I felt a guy’s hand groping my waist. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t see who was doing it and when I managed to grab his hand, he quickly retreated and I saw a man get off in a hurry and then look at me from outside. I still get enraged when I think of his face. He got his way. He violated me and I didn’t get to bring him to justice. And the saddest part is when I narrate this incident to my guy friend he accuses me for being the victim. His logic is if that guy had to choose me from all the other women in that bus, it just means that I was dressed inappropriately or that I was inviting him to commit his crime.

I have often come across this mentality in India. People tend to point fingers at women instead of the culprit for such incidents. The first question is what were you wearing? Were you revealing your figure? Was the dupatta coming off? Were you dressed provocatively? And I wonder, really? Is that what it is really about? So the culprit chooses their victims on the basis of their costumes? I have only one thing to say, if covering everything you have is a solution to sexual harassment then Afghanistan should be the most safest place for women. Or women wearing burkhas should always be safe. But is that the situation?

We should stop being shamed for being sexually harassed. That is the first thing we should do. Only then can the crime be brought to justice. Each time you blame the victim, you are invalidating the disgusting act inflicted on the female, and thus putting in danger generations of women. Thankfully my parents are sensible, sensitive and broad minded people who encourage me to react in such situations.

Two years later I was walking the Chennai roads with my family and I saw a guy following me. He finally appears in front of me and he decides to bump into me by ‘accident’. I shouted out, ‘You mad?’ and he fled for his life murmuring something. I looked at him fleeing away and I saw all the men who tried to violate me through those piercing stares, taunting songs and comments, stalking, crazy phone calls and unwelcome touch – And I felt good about taking that first step.

I blame the women. Not for wearing the clothes that they want to. But for not standing up for themselves. For not standing up for their sisters. For hushing their sisters and daughters when they cry for justice. If you don’t stand for yourself, who will???

There has been silence for long enough. Thank you for breaking it.

3 Comments

Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: House/Chennai
Was wearing salwar kameez chudithar without dupatta
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Family member or Relative and aged Less than 20

Experience:
I have been staring at this screen for 10 minutes now a liitle choked up. Just thinking about this incident brings back the memory I would like to erase but it feels as though it happened just yesterday. The worst part- a very close relative did this to me and I can’t cut that person out of my life even if I tried.

I was a very happy 12 yr old since my older male cousins were in town. This meant me and my brother had a valid excuse to bunk school for a day or two, play computer games/cricket and sleep late. I dint think my cousins were any different from my own brother. We would all sleep in the same room whenever they visited. That fateful night I was in the middle of the bed, with my cousins on either side of me. My back faced the eldest cousin since I sleep on my sides, my eyes were shut and I was about to fall asleep when I felt a hand get into the back of my nighti(night dress) and slide all the way to my butt. I felt so scared and quickly moved in the dark. Cousin got up and went into the bathroom and wasnt out for a long time. I got out of the room and slept with my parents that night.

All I could think of was what happened that night but I dint dare open up to anybody. My cousin behaved as though everything was fine the rest of his vacation and left. His dad apologised on his behalf 4 years later and told me that he had confessed to him immediately after the incident. An adult’s open and honest communication about the incident somehow erased all the guilt and gave me the courage to confront him. Once I spoke to him and he told me how sorry he was, I could bring myself to talk about it.

The whole incident is still very traumatising to me and it completely changed the equation I shared with my cousin. Also coming from a very sexually repressed society nobody teaches you how to handle your sexual energy (my cousin) and also how to react/respond in the event of an abuse. My parents are the best in the world according to me, still I couldnt talk to them about it – 1. I was ashamed of myself 2. I somehow thought my parents would blame/hate me for it or wouldnt take me seriously 3. I dint want my family to fight with each other 4. I dint want my cousins to hate me and stop visiting.

I have forgiven him for what he did but it can never be forgotten and will remain a painful yet a very distinct memory from my childhood.

DSCF4252

2 Comments

Gender woman

Was: a witness
City: Hyderabad
Was wearing Chudithar/Salwar Kameez with dupatta
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : Recurring

Perpetrator was a Friend or acquaintance and aged Less than 20

Experience:
This is not just a passing moment but a tortuous one year ordeal of a young girl about 13-14 years.

The beautiful girl that I am talking about was in her 11th standard when she was stalked by a male senior student from her college (He was infact just one among the lot she had to face every day at college). Inspite of the girl’s indifference towards him, he persistently talked to her and eventually expressed his interest in her. Not withstanding rejection he then threatened to harm her else to harm himself.

Through all this the girl could do nothing but be scared and pray that she does not have to face any awkward situation. This said the girl could not even express her anguish to her parents as they reprimanded her when they sensed the attention their beautiful daughter received ( no mistake of hers).

fortunately, the girl did not get to see a bad day, however the lone battle was very difficult for her especially at such a young age. Today as i read through ibreakmysilence.org i see many similar stories. And I believe that this is a result of society’s attitude (including

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parents) towards a victim in sexual harassment cases. Most people even today see the victim rather than the perpetrator as the cause of the mishap (as we hear people blame it on woman’s clothes else her socializing nature etc.,.). From all this I just want to say that if we let go of this attitude, no woman would be ashamed or hesitant to share her stories and would garner strength to fight back and avoid domestic violence at the least!

jeans-banned-at-indian-school-over-eve-teasing-1355159778-4431

No Comments

Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: House/Haryana
Was wearing school uniform
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : Recurring

Perpetrator was a Neighbour and aged Less than 20

Experience:
I think I was 5-6 years old. Yes, so I was just a kid. We would generally go to this house next door to play with the family. I think he must be hardly 15 years of age and I considered him just as my elder brother. He would call me in the afternoons, would undress me, and lick me. I remember this happening twice. I, myself dint know what was it since I was grown up enough to understand everything. At that time, I don’t even know how I escaped out of it. Now it just seems to be a nightmare that something like this happened. I don’t remember anything from my childhood but, this incident. What was my fault? I was innocent and ignorant. I din’t know what was happening to me.

Now, he is married, has a son. What does he envision for his son? To be just another cheapster like him?!

*- Name changed on request

ChinaDoll

No Comments

Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: Uncle’s house/ Dubai
Was wearing Long Skirt and top
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 40-50

Experience:
I have never really talked about this incident much because it was always something which I wanted to forget. But I guess the Delhi victim’s case has affected me a lot…I don’t want any girl, or boy for that matter, to face hell like she did.

I was 10 or maybe 11…I don’t really remember what I was wearing exactly, most probably a long skirt and top, but I guess it is irrelevant here anyways. I was staying over at one of my uncle’s place where I always spent a few days whenever I had holidays. My uncle, aunt, my cousins and me were watching a movie. They had a painter working in their bedroom repainting the walls. I had seen the movie before and hence soon got bored. I have always enjoyed watching people at work, be it carpenters, painters etc….love to watch them transform things into beauty. That day was no different. I quietly slipped off to the bedroom to watch that ‘painter uncle’ work. I watched him for sometime and we talked I guess a bit while he was working. After sometime he came over to where I was standing, and told me that he had a daughter just like me and that he missed her. Saying this he lightly touched my cheek and a moment later, my back. I instantly knew that something was wrong and left the bedroom quickly and slipped back silently to the hall. I didn’t tell my aunt anything because I was mortified and also because I was scared that I might be told off. However, a few days later, I did mention this incident to my mom while she was getting me ready for school. I remember trying to be very casual while saying it but I was sure Amma could hear the thinly veiled pain in my voice. I could also hear the fear in her voice when she asked me if he did or say anything else to me. The relief in her voice after hearing my negative answer was evident, even to my young mind. She asked me to tell her without any delay about any such instances in the future and obviously never to go off wandering alone. Even though this incident was never again mentioned in my presence, I did overhear my mom talking to my aunt over the phone, asking about the painter’s details but they couldn’t locate him.

This was my first instance of being a victim. There have been many more especially during  the period when I did my degree in India…most happened whilst travelling. Sadly, I never reacted angrily in the first couple, but later, after talking to my friends I realized that even angry glares helped to stop this humiliating experience.

I want India to be safe for women. I have spent most of my life outside India..the few years I have spent there had been great but have been scarred by instances like this…I want to turn my dream of a safe India into reality..and would be even more happier if I saw it happen in my lifetime…..

In memory of Jyoti, in memory of the cruelty she was subjected to, in memory of the life she might have had….let us join together to start the end of this social evil…..let’s stand united against sexual abuse…..let’s react…let’s break the silence…finally!

 

brush

Share your experience with us and the world! You will be helping others who went through something similar; and you will show the world what it really feels like! We will knock some sense into people, one person at a time.

Break your silence at http://ibreakmysilence.org/tell-your-story/ or you can also call us at 07696078820 to talk to us.

1 Comment
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