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Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: Palakkad, Kerala
Was wearing Chudithar/Salwar Kameez with dupatta
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 20-30

 

Experience:
When I go home to Kerala on vacation, my entire appearance and style of dressing undergoes a complete

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overhaul. This is not at the instance of anyone in my family or otherwise, but merely a precautionary measure I’ve adopted myself, to avoid the stares, whistles and the leering smiles. Most men in the Malayalee hinterland, it would appear, are not used to women dressing comfortably and so, for their benefit, I discard my preferred form of clothing-a pair of jeans, a tee, a skirt or a dress for the more conservative, “approved” salwar kameez with the dupatta draped most properly around my modesty.
In this particular instance, a few years ago, I had been sent by mother to pick up milk from the neighborhood provision store. It was around 6 in the evening, and a short walk to the shop and back. On my way towards the shop, I noticed a man relieving himself on the road by the gate of an abandoned plot. This was a commonly used road, and right opposite the plot stands a convent school. I caught his eye, entirely by mistake, and he smiled at me. I avoided his gaze, of course, and walked away shaking my head at the complete lack of civic sense among people. On my way back, he was still there. This time, however, he was relieving himself by other means. He had his penis out, and he was tugging at it while was staring at me, his tongue lolling out like a hungry animal. I don’t know if he meant for me

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to see him, but I did, although I pretended not to have. It must have taken me a few seconds to pass by him, and minutes later I was safely ensconced in my home, but for years afterwards, every single time that I have walked on that road, I have remembered that pathetic man and wondered how he felt that it was perfectly within his right to jerk himself off on a public road while watching me. I am braver today, of course, and I can only hope he didn’t stoop low enough to try this on the children who go to school in the convent and often hang around near the plot.me

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Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: Trivandrum
Was wearing Chudithar/Salwar Kameez with dupatta
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

Experience:
As I read through all the experiences that these women and men share, I feel really proud. I am so proud of all the women who are starting to realize that sexual harassment in any degree is not something that they need to keep up with and I am proud of all the men who are starting to understand the seriousness of this situation and coming forward in support of their friends, sisters and mothers.

As for me, coming from a conservative society that shuns any subject that is even by far related to sex or sexuality, I had to face a couple of hard times myself to build that courage to fight this social evil.

One particular incident that pains me, happened when I was 18 years old. Being an NRI, I wasn’t very well versed with the eve teasing episodes that women go through all the time while using public transport. I used to be surprised at the surge of young eager males battling their way to any woman standing or sitting in the bus for a quick nudge, poke or touch. Or at the least, they had to pass some sort of comment on the girls who at this point were as passive as stones. Rude is not really the word for this but I didn’t realize what I was in for, until that particular day.

I was travelling in a bus to my friend’s house. There was no seats available, so standing was the only option and after a while the crowd happened to be so much that that you could hardly move your finger. And then I felt a guy’s hand groping my waist. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t see who was doing it and when I managed to grab his hand, he quickly retreated and I saw a man get off in a hurry and then look at me from outside. I still get enraged when I think of his face. He got his way. He violated me and I didn’t get to bring him to justice. And the saddest part is when I narrate this incident to my guy friend he accuses me for being the victim. His logic is if that guy had to choose me from all the other women in that bus, it just means that I was dressed inappropriately or that I was inviting him to commit his crime.

I have often come across this mentality in India. People tend to point fingers at women instead of the culprit for such incidents. The first question is what were you wearing? Were you revealing your figure? Was the dupatta coming off? Were you dressed provocatively? And I wonder, really? Is that what it is really about? So the culprit chooses their victims on the basis of their costumes? I have only one thing to say, if covering everything you have is a solution to sexual harassment then Afghanistan should be the most safest place for women. Or women wearing burkhas should always be safe. But is that the situation?

We should stop being shamed for being sexually harassed. That is the first thing we should do. Only then can the crime be brought to justice. Each time you blame the victim, you are invalidating the disgusting act inflicted on the female, and thus putting in danger generations of women. Thankfully my parents are sensible, sensitive and broad minded people who encourage me to react in such situations.

Two years later I was walking the Chennai roads with my family and I saw a guy following me. He finally appears in front of me and he decides to bump into me by ‘accident’. I shouted out, ‘You mad?’ and he fled for his life murmuring something. I looked at him fleeing away and I saw all the men who tried to violate me through those piercing stares, taunting songs and comments, stalking, crazy phone calls and unwelcome touch – And I felt good about taking that first step.

I blame the women. Not for wearing the clothes that they want to. But for not standing up for themselves. For not standing up for their sisters. For hushing their sisters and daughters when they cry for justice. If you don’t stand for yourself, who will???

There has been silence for long enough. Thank you for breaking it.

3 Comments

Gender woman

Was: a witness
City: Train/Kerala

Was wearing Short skirt and top

Reaction: Reacted (yelling,complaining,slapping, fighting back)

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

Experience:379553_2271329197209_311887713_n

Every lady will have a tale of sexual harassment she faced or witnessed when they look into their past. I too have many a stories to share. The most bizarre fact is that you are foretold that it is going to happen with you one day or the other. I was told by my mother and aunts that I am going to face it in different forms; once I start traveling alone; when I am alone at home; when a family member hugs in such a way that I feel uncomfortable etc. When I joined college the first advice from my aunt was to carry a ‘safety pin’ at the end of my Dupatta. And I did it till a point I realized it’s not safety pins that protected me from those maniacs, but my courage and my luck.

I’m sharing an incident to which I happened to be a witness. I was pursuing my masters in Delhi and was traveling from Kerala. Three days in a train with strangers, and I made sure

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that I got an upper berth. I was the lone woman in that coupe, and there was a man, consuming alcohol, and that made me a bit uncomfortable. He was so drunk that he tore the window curtains while getting up from his seat. I thought about shifting to the next coupe where I found three women, one of whom around my age. But I stayed back comforting myself.

I wasn’t comfortable sleeping in that space those two nights. I woke up on the second night hearing some noise in the coach. After a while, i figured out that a man tried to grope the girl in the next coupe where I thought of shifting. I had seen him talking very friendly to the family during the day. Hardly anyone ever expected him to act that way. She screamed and he was caught. Some men took took him outside the coach and had a conversation. I don’t know what went on there, but I saw him leaving the coach with his luggage. No one filed any complaint.

I looked for the drunkard in my coupe; he was sleeping without ever knowing what was going around. I felt sad for the victim and at the same time the selfish in me comforted that it didn’t happen to me. I felt relieved that i did not shift to that coupe.

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