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Was: a victim
City: Beauty Parlor / Gurgaon
Was wearing jeans and shirt
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)
Incident was: One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 20-30

Experience:
well, This happened today at around 6 in the evening in a beauty parlor where there were at-least 7 to 8 parlor assistants and at-least a bunch of visitors.

Oh and how did this guy manage to grope me and touch my private parts , well in the name of giving me a hair spa and massage ! Highly tactical ! The first time his hands approached areas which it shouldn’t( parts surrounding my breasts, too close for comfort), I thought he had committed a mistake; it took me only a few more seconds to realize that it was intentional when his hands moved in the exact same way as it had earlier.
I stared back at him , he withdrew.

I waited patiently for an hour more to get my other parlor stuff done by other assistants. I didn’t want to create a scene by shouting at him in front of others. I was afraid that he may chase me back and rip me apart ! This is Gurgaon for god’s sake & I  have heard enough.

I then went to the owner who happened to be a sweet lady and complained to her stating that this guy might end up spoiling her reputation. She was disgusted & promised to dismiss him , I am planning to visit her again in a few days to check on the steps she had taken.

I am not angered, but the incident made me very sad. I had not had to face anything of this sort in the last 1 decade at-least and have had exactly 3 more incidents related to this in my life so far.

I fail to understand why would any guy want to do this. Not being afraid of anything or the consequences. I am unable to decipher !
It still remains a mystery to me , I knew from his guilty eyes that he knew what he was doing was wrong , close to committing a sin, but he still continued. It was definitely not lack of awareness, it was something else, of which I have no clue.

* – Name changed on requestimages

 

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Gender man

Was: a witness
City: Society/Gurgaon
Was wearing Long Skirt and top
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)

Perpetrator was a Neighbour and aged 20-30

Incident was : One time

Experience:
This happened to a close friend of mine, in 2010 when she was around 21 years old. I am going to narrate this in first person, as she had told to me. I think it will have a better effect.

To take a break from stress, I had gone with two long-time close male friends whom I and my family trusted, to a regular pub. After some drinks I had become unexpectedly drowsy. We were about to leave, and were approached by a guy whom I just knew from my neighbourhood. He’d asked me out once but nothing had come off it and we weren’t friends or anything. This man claimed to be my friend from my society and offered to drop me home. I was too drowsy at the time to confirm or deny, and my friends, with a few drinks in themselves, thought it to be convenient and so loaded me into his car and let me go.
I was in a totally dazed state at the time and had only fleeting glimpses of where I was and what was going on. We entered my society, and he led me up the building. But after we entered the apartment it turned out it wasn’t my home; it was his. I was totally confused at the time and was asking where my home was. He didn’t even bother asking me or explaining his intentions to me. He lay me down, undressed me and himself, and only when he was just about to enter me, God knows what force took over me but I reacted and pushed him off with my legs violently. This convulsion finally forced me back to some degree of consciousness, and struck some fear in him. I figured out what was going on, screamed at him, pulled my stuff back together and ran out of there and got back home.

At home I broke down completely and after a long time was able to relay the events to my mother. But I just didn’t have the heart to tell anything to my father. After recovering a bit by the next day, I confronted the man who tried to rape me, and he pretended total innocence, claiming that I was in by consent, and asked me to forget the whole thing and move on!

When I told my friends (who were supposed to look after me) about the events, they first defended themselves without even bothering to understand what I’d just been through! I don’t even remember what I had said to them in my drowsiness, but according to them it was enough to completely trust a stranger with me! They shifted the blame to me, saying I should have told them properly. How the hell could I have, in the state I was in?? I had gone WITH them specifically so they could step in and PROTECT me in case I can’t protect myself. Oh, and the best defense all three of these men had for themselves: “It’s not my fault, I was drunk, not completely in my senses.”

It was a very long time, several weeks of crying and questioning before my friend was able to move on to some degree of normalcy. She didn’t have the ability to approach the police and risk all that exposure (especially a place like Gurgaon!). So that bastard got away and who knows, he might have repeated it again with other women also by now. Heck, she couldn’t even tell her dad or siblings. Her own childhood friends had abandoned her and then shrugged off all responsibility. Anything could have happened to her that night. It was sheer luck that it happened in her own housing colony that she was able to run back to her home on foot. Many others in her place have not been so lucky. For a long time after this she would keep asking me if there was something wrong with her, if really somehow she was to blame for what happened, and if not then why does the world act like it?

I was very disturbed on hearing this. I had just moved to another city and could do nothing except be a listener and consoler. We could not bring any attention to the matter – her father was NOT to know. The attacker is at best, another regular young male just like me. When with my buddies we regularly fantasized and joked about one-night stands, “if only I could get some chick drunk enough so I can bang her”. The same thoughts must have run through that guy and without caring about her consent, he jumped at the opportunity. But upon seeing this from my friend’s perspective, and listening and feeling how it feels to be on the receiving end, I was just shaken completely and left questioning my manhood, my ego, everything that made me proud of myself as a man. What if I or one of

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my friends ends up doing something like this?

I think the best way to prevent something like this from happening with others, is to share the story and shame other men for the attitude we have towards women. I’m doing this for her and for everyone who has or will be through such an experience, and for everyone who’s ever thought of doing something like this to a woman. I know I have. Thank you for creating a space for this.

*-Name changed on requestimages

2 Comments

Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: IFFCO chowk Traffic Signal at 3 in the afternoon, Gurgaon
Was wearing Jeans and Kurta

Incident was : One time
Reaction: Helpless, Passively Endured

 

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

Experience:
I was on a cycle rickshaw and we stopped when the traffic signal turned red on IFFCO chowk. This is a signal that is very busy, with close to 200 cars stopping at any point of time, that day was no different. 2 men on a bike came and stopped right beside my rickshaw and started singing cheap songs and passing lewd comments coupled with whistling. It was a 3 in the afternoon, I was fully dressed and was minding my own business.

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The best I could do was ignore and wait for the light to turn green. There were 100’s of cars surrounding us, but none of them raised any concern, of course, why would they? They are comfortable inside their cars. Though nothing happened, I was traumatised by such a thing happening in broad daylight, amidst hundreds of other people.download

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