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I remember the first time when I was kissed by my best friend’s grandfather. Although, I was too young to comprehend what really happened at that moment, but those memories have scarred me for life.

I saw him kissing a young kid, who was a student of my friend’s mom, but I never thought that I would be his next target. 15 minutes later, he caught hold me, brought me closer to him and kissed me for an exceptionally long time. I had no clue what he was doing and why he was kissing me, but it just felt wrong. It’s only when I grew up, I realized that I was assaulted by him.

The worst part, when I went back home running to my mom, all she had to say was, “Don’t go to her house for a week.” I couldn’t believe that my own parent chose to neglect the situation and didn’t take any action.

It must have just been a kiss for my mom, but the thought of it horrifies me even now. The whole incident still gives me goosebumps and traumatic flashbacks, whenever I think about it.

As a child, and particularly as a girl you instinctively know the difference between touches, and this one was not a comfortable one for sure! No wonder it has haunted me for so long.

And, right when I thought it was all over and I would never have to experience this again, something unexpected happened again. This time, it was not her grandfather, but her own father. I was sitting in a room with my best friend and her mom watching a movie. When we decided to switch off the lights, her father decided to join us and sat next to me.

All was well until, her father’s hand started to touch my feet. Initially, I thought it was a mistake, but it was repeated. I suddenly got up and told my friend that I need to go home and I left.

At that moment, I wanted to scream my guts out but I was scared to tell my friend and leaving was the only option I had. I wonder why I didn’t scream out and let them know what had happened, twice.

The two incidents still haunt me, but I am trying to get over them. All I can hope for is that other girls like me will choose to speak up. And, at the right moment! Don’t let the story stay in your thoughts and traumatize you, instead learn to speak up against any kind of abuse.

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Too innocent to understand the double standards of the society but each day while growing up, I encounter situations which drifts me apart from my image of an ideal world which the so-called society tends to frame in front of us.

Not one time but it happened 2-3 times when my belief in an ideal world where I was safe got shattered.
A friend of mine of opposite gender with whom I used to share my thoughts, play games with and laugh together. I used to feel safe when I was with him. A good friend he was in whom I could confide.

One fine day, I did not know what happened he came so close to me and tried to touch me. I was old enough to differentiate between a good and bad touch and sadly bad touch it was. I was shocked to see him behaving like that. For a moment I got blank. Then I pushed him away and ran.

Now when I think back, the memories are still fresh. Hundreds of questions comes to my mind to which I am still looking for answers. Why it happened? What went wrong in our beautiful friendship? What else could I have done then? What if I would not have pushed him back? Is friendship like this? Can I trust anyone?

It was not a good feeling at all. I still don’t know answers to many questions but I firmly believe speaking about such experiences where one felt harassed makes one feel light. A burden that one carries gets lifted. I broke my silence, it’s your turn now!

 

*Name has been changed on request.

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