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My cousin brother harassed me and I don’t know how to tell about it to my parents as he was my cousin who did this to me. I feel very bad and shattered.

I want to cry as my own cousin did this to me again and again. I am helpless I can’t talk to my parents about this as it will break our family. My escape from this is just that I keep a distance from him and take every possible measure to stay away from him or run away if I see him around. I feel helpless and somewhere I have accepted the fact that it is going to be like this always.

There is no way I see it ending. I wish I gather the courage to speak about it to somebody to stop it.

 

*Name has been changed on request.
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One of my relatives, 4 years older than me, became like a good friend in fact like best friends. We used to share every single matter of our life and were frank with each other. We used to talk so much on phone and spend time sitting together and discussing. I was happy that my cousin was my best friend with whom I could share everything.

Until his mother once felt that we were wrong somewhere. She doubted our relation of a brother and sister. She even complained about it at my place that it is me who is at fault. But at that time I went against my family and made them understand that it is nothing more than a god friendship bond that I share with my cousin. Though I was shocked as how could they even think of it in the first place?
But after some days when things were going pretty fine, my cousin broke my trust. I remember it was winter early morning and we were going somewhere for some work on a bike and he intentionally took the wrong turn and raped me. I couldn’t do anything. I told him not to but my voice was never heard what my soul was crying out loud to make him listen to me. I did not even understand what to do..If I run then what if people see me and if I shout and somebody turns up for help then what about the family reputation? With all these thoughts I chose to keep silent. I thought if I tell this at home then everyone will question me as I was supporting the pious bond earlier.

After that he started blackmailing him emotionally. By then he knew my weakness that I won’t tell to anyone. And h raped me several times and even if I warned to tell at home then he would say, “I’d leave home or commit suicide.” And I used to think of his parents and his family as what will happen to them if he commits such an act and at the end Ii kept silent.

One fine day I shared it with one of my friend and she forced me to tell to my mother and somehow I gathered the courage to tell my mom. But what happened next was not what I expected. There were thousands of restrictions imposed on me from then and to add to it I even used to get taunts from my mom. Earlier I was living with the burden alone and now when I had told and felt a bit relaxed then I had lost my freedom and respect at home.

I feel I also did not take action in the first time only which could have helped me but Ii felt very weak then. But after sharing with my mom and friend I had this courage and finally confronted him to stop that and have warned him now. I am free from violence now but I feel I have lost my wings in the process of dreaming to fly high.

 

*Name has been changed on request.

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I recently came across Rise for India. After reading one of the stories posted I was in a constant state of uncertainty that whether I should continue reading the stories given at sides or just close all the tabs. Gathering a lot of courage I finally decided to read all of them and I swear I cried myself to sleep that night. For days I could not take all what I had read out of my head so I decided to talk to my mother about it. Hearing all the stories which I told her with a lot of effort since I was choking on every single word I spoke, I noticed a strange look on my mother’s face that just sucked the soul out of my body, and I asked her just one question….WHEN?

After a long pause, my mother began – “I grew up in this large joint family where my dad and his younger brother lived together along with their wives and kids. I was the fourth out of us five siblings and my uncle had three kids.”  Me – “hmm…( I still could not believe it).”

My mother –  “I was in my room, when the elder son of my paternal uncle  whom I had always acknowledged as ‘Bhai’ (Brother) crept into my room and did stuff to me. I would rather not explain in detail but yes, he did everything. He was 10 years elder to me and I was just in 2nd grade. I just stood there in a trance state, completely unaware of   what just happened. It was as if my brain had shut itself down refusing to record anything. His harsh cruel voice falling onto my ears “Don’t tell about this to anyone otherwise they will blame you for it.” I could not talk to my mother about it, and he did the same to me several times after that. My performance in school deteriorated and my confidence just flushed out completely. I still have a hard time talking to people. I prefer to stay in my own cocoon.”

As my mother was telling me the most terrifying incident of her life I could not help but hold my tears back, but she…she did not shed a single one. All my memories of my mother being completely against sending us to any relative’s house even for a short stay became so clear and meaningful to me. I have been wondering since then that how a person can survive with such a deep scar in his/her heart, trust and soul!

Listening to my mother, I was just trying to search for a sign of pain or a tear in my mother’s eyes but instead I found a little dead girl who had been humiliated and murdered by her very own first cousin. After this conversation, I had developed this new respect for my parents, especially my mother for taking such great care of us that none of these things could even take a stroll around us during our childhood days.

That person, the abuser of my mother is dead now, whereby I am still swinging between the two contrary thoughts that whether I am happy that he is dead or sad about the same as I missed my chance to humiliate him. I at least would have made him feel embarrassed of his deeds in front of his daughter. I KNOW! Imagine the horror that he has a daughter, I hope she has never undergone such experiences with him.

My mother eventually moved on, married the guy she loved, has her own business and three beautiful daughters (as she says it).  She couldn’t ask for more…life is good again!!

This is just one of the million stories that take place in India in every second home. I would like to request the parents to start talking to their children like friends so that their children can trust them. Those unfortunate children are suffering already. Do not make them suffer more by not trusting them or worse, by not even listening to them.  Let’s make India’s future brighter by taking care of its present.

 

Source – http://www.riseforindia.com/mom-abused-by-elder-cousin/

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Gender – Female

Was a victim.Incident was recurring.

Shared by victim’s cousin.

Experience –

Shaluk is my cousin. We were never close. This was was probably the very first time we had a heart to heart conversation!

It was the day of my Mashi’s (mother’s sister) wedding. She is Shaluk’s mother. Shaluk’s parents got separated when she was in class nine.  My Mashi found her soul mate, Mr. Deepangshu Sanyal, two years back. To everyone’s surprise, Shaluk was very happy about this. She wanted her mom to be happy! That was all she had ever truly wished for. But deep down who knew something was slowly killing her!

It took her a long time to get rid of her abusive father, mentally! We all have known her to be an introvert who loves hanging out with books and their fictional characters rather than with real people. She is one of those shy girls who do not have many friends.

I thought of sharing her story online not only for her but also for all those girls who have silently suffered the pangs of sexual harassment. Sanyal Mesho (the husband of mother’s sister) came like a Messiah in Shaluk and her mom’s lives. He promised to be there with them through thick and thin. He promised to make a complete ‘family’ with them. For the first time in like million years Shaluk found her mother getting genuinely happy, all because of him. Shaluk started trusting the man as well. She took him to be a fatherly figure, the one she had longed to have since childhood. But who knew her happiness would soon reach a permanent ending!

It was a rainy day. Sanyal Mesho was supposed to pick her up from her English tuition and drop her home. While returning home, Sanyal Mesho lightly brushed her breasts with his hands for the first time. She felt uncomfortable but she was not very sure whether he did this on purpose or this was absolutely unintentional!  His nonchalant expression compelled her to believe his being innocent!

The next day Sanyal Mesho came at their place to spend the weekend with them. Being a doctor, Mashi had to rush to the hospital to handle an emergency situation, in the evening, leaving Shaluk alone with the monster! He asked her to sit in his lap, that day! When Shaluk refused he forcefully pulled her towards him and unbuttoned her shirt. She started crying helplessly. He fondled her breasts and bit her lips. Before leaving, he threatened to harm her more if she dared to tell anyone anything. The devasted young girl did not know what to do! She tried to commit suicide but something stopped her. She could not tell her friends about this as they would ‘judge’ her for her mother having a boyfriend! She could not ask for help from her boyfriend as why would she need a man to protect her from another! And she swore never to tell her mother as this would take away from her the last shreds of happiness, her enthusiasm for life!

This inhumane torture continued for a couple of months. He molested her whenever he could, not paying any heed to her tears or her meek protests and requests. One fine morning Shaluk thought she had enough. Pain makes one strong and she had gone through enough. She decided to deal with this in her own way.

It was her mother’s birthday. She knew that the monster would again try to hurt her that day. She kept a knife in her pocket and waited for him to pounce upon her once again. With the excuse of going to the washroom he sneaked into her room. He slowly closed the door behind him and embraced her waist, slowly moving his hand towards her genitals. She did not cry, she did not scream. She waited for him to reach the climax. “So now you have learnt how to enjoy my making love to you, isn’t it, my beautiful daughter?”, he whispered in her ears. He was about to remove her panty when she suddenly took out her knife and scratched his hand with it. He was taken aback. But before he could do anything she slapped him! And then another. His hand was bleeding.

“Get the hell out of my room and my LIFE”, she said coldly! “If you don’t I will hurt you more. I will pluck out your eyes. I will chop off your penis which, apparently, has given you the power to rule over me”, she added.

“You are too tiny to do anything dear! Come say sorry to Uncle and I will forgive you. And if you don’t, you have no idea what awaits you, you little rebel!”, remarked the demon shamelessly.

“Well! I have this entire thing recorded in my cell phone FYI. I can get you behind the bars with a single video clip! Need I say more, Uncle?”

His face turned red, anger turned into fear slowly! “Don’t spoil my life! I beg you. Please don’t! I promise to never hurt you again. And don’t tell your mother”, he said.

She broke her long kept silence and saved herself from further acts of harassment.

Molestation is an act of violence and not sex! Sexually torturing a woman boosts up male ego. It assures them that they are still the rulers of this planet! Patriarchy you baffle me! What kind of society are we living in?

 

Source – http://www.riseforindia.com/the-next-time-uncle-came-to-remove-my-undergarments/

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Gender – Female

Was a victim. Incident was recurring.

Experience :

It’s been years. I don’t feel the pain in my vagina anymore. I was shocked. Ma used to see my vagina bleed, she never did anything. So, I thought it’s something to be done regularly. I was 7 then. I am 20 now.

Every man in that family tried to touch me. Mama, Kaka, Masa.
BUT, but Baba didnt stop them! He didn’t stop them because he wanted to earn without working and I was the only option for him, even though he didn’t let any other man touch me BUT my relatives and he claims that with pride.

When I tried going to police, I was asked how were my boobs grabbed and I was asked to demonstrate and then “I was asked to strip and show them the marks.”

It was regular. I crossed my puberty. My school was very strict and I had no friends. My own parents betrayed me.

I was 7 when I was raped. My mother served him tea in the very room. My dad took money from him, I was in pain. Something below my stomach was paining and I couldn’t understand anything.

Next day, mama had come over. I was so happy. He entered my room with Nutties and raped me just like kaka did. He held my breasts so hard and then he put fingers in my vagina, and it was hurting me so much.

I wanted to run away, I was crying and screaming, he penetrated something and I felt like I was dying and then I was lying on the floor, naked. My pet, Tito, licked my head and arms and sat there, without barking. This continued. Just because they wanted to derive pleasure, I was raped by Kaka and Mama on the very same day just before my Exams. My vagina bled, days after days. I didn’t feel the pain anymore. Their penises were so familiar and so friendly, yet so unwanted. I was always ready with my legs spread, with my clothes off my body. Baba and I hardly spoke then, I couldn’t tolerate them, in fact, I was pregnant and I was asked to choose abortion, obviously!

I will never have kids. I have complications. I have been raped more than 30-40 times, I can never have babies, but I want to adopt so many dogs and so many cats and live happily…HAPPILY

But I am awesome now. I am getting married which was something I always wanted to avoid. A man fell in love with this torn body which has been used in every way by many men. SEX, not love. Now, I am getting the love I deserve and that makes me smile. I have left them now, I live with my friends and I am happy.”

 

Source – http://www.riseforindia.com/relatives-raped-me-30-40-times-it-didnt-hurt/

 

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Gender – Female

Was a victim.

Was wearing jeans and shirt. The incident was recurring.

Reaction was helpless and passively endured.

Experience :

Perhaps memories fade with time, but the emotions we go through don’t. They leave an impression on our minds, vague for some, but there. Perhaps ignorance is bliss. Then again perhaps not. Ignorance or denial for the matter is not a magic wand. For a long time I chose to hide away behind them and this I say with absolute certainty, it doesn’t help. I am a victim of sexual abuse, one among the many out there. It started at an age where I didn’t even know what it was. A man, old enough to be my father, touched me in the guise of helping me dress up for a function. I felt odd and to a large extent disgusted. What should I do when he touches me, it doesn’t feel right? What should I do when he tells me not to talk about it with anyone? Should I go to my parents, siblings, friends? I was too young to know the answers.

I did what a scared, confused child would do when confronted with a fear . . . I ran away. And I thought i was safe. But I wasn’t. And the worse part? This time I was unsafe at home, among my family. A man I should have been able to bank on—a family member, betrayed my trust by violating my personal space. I resented him. I was horrified, alone, frightened, revolted . . . perhaps just slightly in shock. Why wouldn’t I be? If family isn’t my safe space, whom do I fall back upon? What is my safety net? This tie I knew it was wrong. I understood the why but not the questions which haunted me years ago, came back to haunt me. Again, I had no answer.

I never spoke about it. And perhaps it did not hold me back in life, perhaps it did not stop me from living the way I liked, but it was always there . . . like a skeleton in the closet I refused to acknowledge.

Message :

Time and time again, I’ve gone through violations. Violations of my space, my body and my mind. When I finally found the courage to talk about it and break my long kept silence, I felt light. Like a burden had lifted off my shoulders. Like the world knew and there was nothing to hide. I realised the power of speaking up when we are violated and the strength and confidence it gave me to never let that happen to me again. Thanks to I Break My Silence for giving me a platform to vent, to simply speak up and come to terms with it….To make sure that the other thousands of Vijayas who are keeping silent are given the courage to live free, I say let’s come together and break our silence.

 

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