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I was abused when I was 12 by my own very close family member.

I had gone to my Bua’s (paternal aunt) place on vacation. It was a lovely holiday until the night when electricity went off. It was a dark night. I was sleeping in a room with no one around. Suddenly I felt someone along on my bed. He was no one but my fufaji. (Aunt’s husband) He started touching me and his hand moved around my waist..I did not like it at all.

I asked him what he was doing there, to which he said nothing.

I questioned his existence around. He blamed the gone electricity. I kept quiet. Such incidents started happening on regular basis. He always asked me to be quiet. I always was. One day he took me to Delhi with the permission of my parents and all I wanted was NOT to go alone with him. We halted in a hotel. He started touching all over. He said, “I really like you and don’t tell this to anyone.” I could not do anything. I could not run, I could not complaint, I could scream but no one to hear. I had no idea of what to do…

I could never speak about it to my parents thinking of my aunt’s marriage and always have been haunted whenever I think of those times. It was not a good feeling at all. I feel sad and I wish I could undo what happened. But now I feel empowered and strong. I was not wrong at all and it was not my mistake.

I urge you all to not be silent about such things. Sometimes sharing is all what you need.

 

*Name has been changed on request.

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Gender Female

Was: a victim
City: home/delhi
Was wearing jeans and shirt
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)
Incident was: Recurring

Perpetrator was a Family member or Relative and aged multiple ages, more than one incident

Experience:
i was in 11th class and my exams were approaching so my parents use to

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leave the house so that i can study calmly. they had gone to my massi house ,as i was alone my relative who was old enuf came in and as i respected him hugged him. he kissed me on my lips, i felt bad and disgusted. i got in my room and started studying. the man came in and started touching my upper part slowly . i reacted and got up from there and called my friend ,he came up and said im here to study with her. till date i hate that guy whenever he comes up and thankful to my friend. the other time my tenant ejaculated himself in me. this is bad really bad that guys take us for granted and just for there sheer satisfaction the do this im 20 now but these things still haunt me up so much that i get dreams about this and im afraid that someday my father would do the same to me though he is the one person whom i trust blindly but the trauma has made me like this . i cry myself in sleep sometimes and it feels so bd to think that you were being molested and you’r soul was broken in pieces. its so better to stay alone.

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Gender Female

Was: a victim
City: Delhi
Was wearing school uniform
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)
Incident was: Recurring

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged Less than 20

Experience:
I have always been told that school and college are places where you are secure around teachers and friends. I have also read and understood that love is something which must not be forced upon or tortured to pursue and is a natural feeling between hearts which bloom from the wonderful feeling of friendship. I have various incidents in my life which made me an introvert inside and a tough and rude person on the outside and I will write about them in several posts following the current post.
In this post, I describe the first incident in my life which had made me lose trust on any person I meet and which makes me take a lot of time to make new friends even now.
When my sister was in her early teens and I was around 7-8 years old, we were studying in one of the prestigious schools in Delhi. Every evening, we used to walk around 4 streets from the school to our house. My sister and I were being followed by a tall dark man with a helmet on a motor bike almost every day. Initially for a few days, we didn’t react as if we noticed his act, but it became evident, when he loudly called out my sister’s name (more than once) in public and we had to turn. We were taught by our elders that we must not talk or react to any strangers and we just rushed home quickly from that spot. I wanted to tell thishadow mans to my mother, but my sister who was very scared about this issue asked me not to tell her as she didn’t want to make it a big issue at home. We had to find different ways and shortcuts to get back home and took different routes (just to cross 4 streets). Still he somehow used to find out where we were and used to follow us and pass irritating comments or sing some song with my sister’s name in it. In short, he was flirting.
One fine day, I came to know that, he was actually the cousin of one of my classmate who was also my bench mate in class. I found this guy talking to her (my bench mate) during one of our break sessions and I asked her who he was and how he knew where we lived. She told me that, he was her cousin studying in some XYZ college and he had asked her about my sister and I, where we lived etc., and she had innocently told him. I scolded her on the spot and asked her to tell him to mind his business and not disturb my sister. I had no other option but to tell my mother about it on the same day after school. My mother started accompanying us from the next day.
I started feeling really scared starting from that day when I came to know that he was my friend’s cousin. Hence, I decided that, for the welfare of myself and my sister (whom I am/was super protective about) and for the sake of my parents, who would be shattered if they hear any non-sense news about my sister or me, I must not reveal any personal details (even the place I come from/my phone number) to any friend of mine, unless I come to know that will not be of any problem to me!! Sounds bad. I know. Even if I had to give, it became a habit to warn them not to reveal my details to anyone else. I might have sounded like a paranoid to most of my friends, but I felt that, they won’t understand this pressure till they experienced similar issues.

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Was: a victim
City: New Delhi, India
Was wearing Jeans and Shirt
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : Recurring

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged Less than 20

Experience:
So I remember this was perhaps the last week of my six-month long internship in Delhi, a part of our curriculum in college. I and a friend of mine whose name I choose not to reveal, were walking about some random street, not too far from where we were living then and, believe it or not, this is not some deserted area I am talking about. This is a street full of eateries and you have people bustling around all the time. Anyway, there I was with my friend and suddenly it struck my friend that there was this black Santro with two boys in it, and yes, though they looked like college kids they could scare the shit out of you (we all know what some of these innocent juveniles are capable of), that had been following us wherever we were going that day. We waived off the thought and went back home. The next day again the car was there. We let it go yet again. This kept happening for a week. I remember on our last day in Delhi our stalkers had followed us into the residential campus of NPL, Don’t ask me what the security guards were doing because I have no freaking idea, and they followed us till the last but one lane. This was when my friend and I just started walking about randomly because we did not want them to find out where exactly we live. They left after a while. Probably they came there the next day as well. We wouldn’t know because thankfully we were done with our internship and we left that godforsaken city. To this day I shudder to think what could have happened had we stayed there for a little longer. And often I make a joke out of it because that is what I do about almost everything that I feel helpless about.

 

 

No Comments

Gender woman

Was: a witness
City: Auto/Delhi
Was wearing Jeans and Shirt
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

Experience:
Saw a bunch of guys, grabbing a female and forcing her in an auto.
She yelled for attention.
After some 5 min, the auto was gone !1922590-Delhi-auto-rickshaw-0

4 Comments

Gender woman
broken-glasses1
Was: a victim
City: Delhi
Was wearing Chudithar/Salwar Kameez with dupatta
Reaction: Helpless, Passively Endured

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Family member or Relative and aged 30-40

Experience:
It was a very horrifying experience. i don’t remember much of it because the incident was followed a mental break-down.
I was 19 years old and was staying with my cousin sister in Delhi for a summer training during my BTech.
My sister had gone for a wedding in the family with her two sons. I was left alone with a cousin brother and brother-in-law.  there was no other help in the house so I remember cooking for them every morning and evening, packing lunch boxes for myself and them, cleaning up the house and doing other household chores.
One night, my brother did not return home as he had some work in office. I remember sleeping with my glasses on the side of the pillow. I had poor vision and could not see much without my glasses. I remember that in the night someone pressed my mouth, opened my salwar and did something which made me faint. i have absolutely no memories left of that night. In the morning when i got up, i found myself alone, my glasses were broken, i was covered with a bedsheet but i wasn’t wearing my salwar. i was very terrified but somehow had the energy to gather myself, called my brother that i am leaving for bareilly to my parents. i reached the railway station somehow and waited for the next train. i got a train at 6 PM. i reached home late night. I didn’t had the mind to tell anything to my parents. I had a severe mental breakdown and my right side was paralysed. It took me around 6 months to recover. But the wounds the incident on my soul are irrepairable. Its only now that i spoke about it with my Aunty( dad’s sister)and my mother.
I am now 42 years old fairly strong and successful. i am separated from my husband and was in a relationship for almost 6 years. I have deep mistrust in men and find it difficult to trust their intentions.

*-Name changed on request

5 Comments

Gender man

Was: a witness
City: New Delhi
Perpetrator was a Stranger

Incident was : One time

Reaction : Helpless/Passively endured
Was wearing Jeans and Shirt

Experience:
Living in various parts of India , I have had experiences beyond measure, especially in New Delhi. I have been a witness to scenes of disrespect towards women in ways ranging from: little comments being passed on to a girl walking by or a group of men continuously ogling at a woman, to : Sexual Assault cases reported everyday when I open the morning Newspaper. One such incident was when a group of men started teasing a girl who just came out of a metro station and sat in auto while it stopped at the red lights near Malviya Nagar Metro Station and continued chasing her in broad daylight.

It took me couple of years to truly realize, that it wasn’t anyone to blame. Neither the police was to blame , nor the politicians UNTIL my consciousness was not guilt free inside. All these years doing nothing about it and reading about it everywhere, hearing it from my female friends and relatives, I always felt that someone someday will do something about it , and that’s where I was wrong. In fact the greatest threat to Women Safety is the belief that Someone else will help the cause. It has to start from within self. And someday if I feel that I have contributed even a little through my humble efforts, I would like to help someone else feel the same happiness. But to do this and make a difference, we all have to speak out . We all need to put forward our voices about what we’ve seen and what do we care for.

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