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My cousin brother harassed me and I don’t know how to tell about it to my parents as he was my cousin who did this to me. I feel very bad and shattered.

I want to cry as my own cousin did this to me again and again. I am helpless I can’t talk to my parents about this as it will break our family. My escape from this is just that I keep a distance from him and take every possible measure to stay away from him or run away if I see him around. I feel helpless and somewhere I have accepted the fact that it is going to be like this always.

There is no way I see it ending. I wish I gather the courage to speak about it to somebody to stop it.

 

*Name has been changed on request.
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One of my relatives, 4 years older than me, became like a good friend in fact like best friends. We used to share every single matter of our life and were frank with each other. We used to talk so much on phone and spend time sitting together and discussing. I was happy that my cousin was my best friend with whom I could share everything.

Until his mother once felt that we were wrong somewhere. She doubted our relation of a brother and sister. She even complained about it at my place that it is me who is at fault. But at that time I went against my family and made them understand that it is nothing more than a god friendship bond that I share with my cousin. Though I was shocked as how could they even think of it in the first place?
But after some days when things were going pretty fine, my cousin broke my trust. I remember it was winter early morning and we were going somewhere for some work on a bike and he intentionally took the wrong turn and raped me. I couldn’t do anything. I told him not to but my voice was never heard what my soul was crying out loud to make him listen to me. I did not even understand what to do..If I run then what if people see me and if I shout and somebody turns up for help then what about the family reputation? With all these thoughts I chose to keep silent. I thought if I tell this at home then everyone will question me as I was supporting the pious bond earlier.

After that he started blackmailing him emotionally. By then he knew my weakness that I won’t tell to anyone. And h raped me several times and even if I warned to tell at home then he would say, “I’d leave home or commit suicide.” And I used to think of his parents and his family as what will happen to them if he commits such an act and at the end Ii kept silent.

One fine day I shared it with one of my friend and she forced me to tell to my mother and somehow I gathered the courage to tell my mom. But what happened next was not what I expected. There were thousands of restrictions imposed on me from then and to add to it I even used to get taunts from my mom. Earlier I was living with the burden alone and now when I had told and felt a bit relaxed then I had lost my freedom and respect at home.

I feel I also did not take action in the first time only which could have helped me but Ii felt very weak then. But after sharing with my mom and friend I had this courage and finally confronted him to stop that and have warned him now. I am free from violence now but I feel I have lost my wings in the process of dreaming to fly high.

 

*Name has been changed on request.

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My friend was raped by her cousin four years ago and never shared this with anyone until recently.

She belongs to a conservative family and though she has been rebellious all her life, she knows her limits. She didn’t have many friends and didn’t share everything with her parents because their set of values were a bit too traditional to match with hers. So the story of her rape was something that came to light very late, and she tells me that her parents remain unaware of it. I have decided to write about it after taking her permission to do so.

Her first cousin had always been different with her, behaving a little weird around her, as compared to how how he behaved with his other sisters. He first touched her during a family function. Though she chose to ignore it, the touch stayed in her mind anyhow. Any time he would find her alone, he would try to touch her, and it never felt like the brotherly touch. This kept on happening in every family function, so she started to avoid going for any by making excuses.

One day she was supposed to go to his place to collect some important papers. She was asked by her parents to go alone. She was scared, but knew that there won’t be any problem since her aunt would also be at home. She rang the doorbell, and it was her cousin who opened the door. She maintained her calm and entered inside. To her horror, she realized that her aunt wasn’t at home. Now she was scared. He asked her to come inside the room and collect the papers, so she went in. And then, it happened.

He forcefully grabbed her and pushed her onto the bed, leaning over and forcefully kissing her. With force, he held her down. She shouted and cried, asking him not to do so, but he didn’t stop. He slid his hand inside her clothes, and she tried desperately to stop him but he didn’t. He didn’t stop until he was done, raping her of her innocence and ripping out her soul. No help came, probably no one even heard her cries. Only when he was done did he release her. She cried. She couldn’t say a word, she was too horrified because she couldn’t stop it all from happening. Adding to the misery, he forcefully slipped a tablet inside her mouth. She knew what it was, and she was traumatized. He gave her the papers and asked her to leave immediately.

She came back home and was a little out of her senses. Her parents were going to arrive only after an hour. Till then, she just cried and thought about whether she should tell this to her parents or not. She decided she wouldn’t.

I did ask my friend why did she choose to not tell her parents about it? She told me that though her parents loved her, they were a little under the influence of the rest of the family and had the rape been disclosed it would have resulted in something really bad and horrific. She also never wanted to narrate this incident to anyone knowing that she would be judged. I asked her why she thinks so. She says she liked him. To be raped by a man she liked destroyed her hope of liking a man in the future. And frankly the way she said it, I didn’t even know how to comfort her or even if there was any way to do it.

This is, I suppose, only one aspect of our society where things go unreported because we fear about so many things, most of all our pride. The same logic goes for crimes against the opposite sex. The society finds it hard to believe that even a man can be raped, that even he can feel robbed off his dignity, that he can barely muster the courage to come up with the truth if such an incident happens to him.

I still remember how my friend asked me, “Does this even qualify as rape?“. She didn’t know if it did because she liked him and feels guilty about it. I simply tell her that if it happened against her wishes, it surely was a rape and that there is no need to feel guilty about anything that happened. I cannot assure her further because frankly none of us have the solution. Or, do we

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I was in class 3rd, In summer vacations Me,with my cousins(me being the only girl, I should rather say my cousin brothers) went for swimming classes. I had just started to learn and was enjoying it, until one day,when my swimming trainer took advantage of me.
There were few trainers assigned to us,an aged trainer(somewhere in late 40,may be) took the responsibility to teach me.

And then one day,around 3 days later He took me to the corner of the swimming pool to the deeper side, where I had to take his support.(I was too young and new to swim in the deeper section all by myself)
He touched me down there,and continued doing that for few minutes. I was shaken, Nobody in my life had ever done that to me. But I didn’t know how to react. What to say , what to do ( I have not yet figured, what I could possibly do then).

He told me not to tell anybody, he made a point that I don’t dare think of it, he would warn me to take me to that corner and leave me to drown and nobody would ever suspect what has happened.

I always knew something is wrong, but could never share this with my cousins, they were kids too with little or no knowledge of things like this(May be). Or family, My mother had never discussed things like this with me ever before . I was a little kid, vulnerable,new to this world.

He did this to me everyday. It went for few good days in a row, I was traumatized for long. I could not sleep for days, and every thought of going back again to swim class the next day would kill me.But there was nothing I could do to it, I was helpless.
This continued for one good month, and then it could stop only when I finally decided to quit swimming. I could never tell my mother the reason.
I still have not after so many years.

But, still any time I look back this one incident still breaks me deep inside, I could not do anything. I could never make him realize what has he done. I could not stop him from doing this to other girls, in fact not to me.

Molestation of any kind, can affect a person for lifetime. There is no way to get out of that bad feeling you carry with you for rest of your life.

*Name has been changed on request.

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I faced harassment not once, not twice but multiple times. And the sad part is that it was not by any stranger but a family or a friend. I don’t know whom should I trust and whom should I not. I feel today I have to Break my Silence.

Incident-1 – First brush with sexuality
Age : 5
Perpetrator : Female cousin of same age
I was wearing : Pyjamas
Incident : We were sleeping together at night and she put her hands inside my underwear and was rubbing my private parts. Whispered to me to do the same to her. She probably played peeping tom in her parents’ bedroom to have known such deeds at such a young age. I was too shocked to even understand what is going on and meekly complied…

Incident – 2 – Touched by a penis
Age : 9
Perpetrator : Random guy on the road, Age : Probably in his 30s
I was wearing : Skirt and top
Incident : I was waiting for my parents to come out of the shop where they have gone to buy something. Felt like somebody was poking me with a rather fat finger on my butt. I moved away. The man moved with me, stood behind me and again poked me. This happened three of four times and I kept moving away wondering why this man is poking me. It was only years later that I understood what he did that day…that it was not a finger that poked me.

Incident – 3 – School bus
Age : 9
Perpetrator : Driver, aged around 50
I was wearing : School uniform
Incident : Everyday the driver would give me a special seat near him on the floor of the bus right behind the gear. Used to enjoy sitting there as he used to tell me children’s stories. But I was not comfortable at how he used to put his hand to my private parts every time he shifted the gears. Stopped sitting there after a while. Did not tell family as I was scared.

Incident – 4 – My ‘cousin’ story
Age : 21
Perpetrator : Cousin, Age : 21
I was wearing : Salwar kameez without dupatta
Incident : I was very close to this cousin as we are of same age. Thought of him like my own brother. Once we went to take bath like always in the river and I distinctly remember him looking at my body in the clinging wet dress in a way like never before. Everything changed after that day. He would find some excuse to touch me at every possible instance. Maybe hold my hand or feel the skin on the back of my neck or run a finger along my arm while talking to me. It was not exactly ‘brotherly’. It was easy to understand that much. I started to avoid being alone with him. One night we were all watching a movie and slowly all the family members went to bed. I stayed as almost 75% of the movie was over. Wanted to finish it. Finally only we both were there. He was sitting on the sofa and I was sitting on the floor. He got up to adjust the speed of the fan and came and sat on the sofa against which I was leaning. While casually making small talk, he kept a hand on my shoulder. I stiffened not knowing what I should do. The he slowly started to move it down my front. Those few moments were the most tortuous ones of my entire life. Should I stop him? How can I? What will happen if I scream now? If I make a scene, our families will get into a fight. I just froze for a moment. When his fingertips crossed the hemline of my dress, I caught his hand. He hastily pulled it out and said something about how my hair has grown thicker lately. I was panting, probably seething with anger and self-loathing. I got up abruptly, didn’t look at his face and stiffly walked out to my room. I cried all night. So many years have passed now and I still haven’t been able to forgive him. We do talk civilly but he avoids making eye-contact with me. I have never been able to trust any man after that incident.

I have never talked about any of this to anyone. Out of shame. Though I am not the one to blame. For the first time, I am glad I did.

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I recently came across Rise for India. After reading one of the stories posted I was in a constant state of uncertainty that whether I should continue reading the stories given at sides or just close all the tabs. Gathering a lot of courage I finally decided to read all of them and I swear I cried myself to sleep that night. For days I could not take all what I had read out of my head so I decided to talk to my mother about it. Hearing all the stories which I told her with a lot of effort since I was choking on every single word I spoke, I noticed a strange look on my mother’s face that just sucked the soul out of my body, and I asked her just one question….WHEN?

After a long pause, my mother began – “I grew up in this large joint family where my dad and his younger brother lived together along with their wives and kids. I was the fourth out of us five siblings and my uncle had three kids.”  Me – “hmm…( I still could not believe it).”

My mother –  “I was in my room, when the elder son of my paternal uncle  whom I had always acknowledged as ‘Bhai’ (Brother) crept into my room and did stuff to me. I would rather not explain in detail but yes, he did everything. He was 10 years elder to me and I was just in 2nd grade. I just stood there in a trance state, completely unaware of   what just happened. It was as if my brain had shut itself down refusing to record anything. His harsh cruel voice falling onto my ears “Don’t tell about this to anyone otherwise they will blame you for it.” I could not talk to my mother about it, and he did the same to me several times after that. My performance in school deteriorated and my confidence just flushed out completely. I still have a hard time talking to people. I prefer to stay in my own cocoon.”

As my mother was telling me the most terrifying incident of her life I could not help but hold my tears back, but she…she did not shed a single one. All my memories of my mother being completely against sending us to any relative’s house even for a short stay became so clear and meaningful to me. I have been wondering since then that how a person can survive with such a deep scar in his/her heart, trust and soul!

Listening to my mother, I was just trying to search for a sign of pain or a tear in my mother’s eyes but instead I found a little dead girl who had been humiliated and murdered by her very own first cousin. After this conversation, I had developed this new respect for my parents, especially my mother for taking such great care of us that none of these things could even take a stroll around us during our childhood days.

That person, the abuser of my mother is dead now, whereby I am still swinging between the two contrary thoughts that whether I am happy that he is dead or sad about the same as I missed my chance to humiliate him. I at least would have made him feel embarrassed of his deeds in front of his daughter. I KNOW! Imagine the horror that he has a daughter, I hope she has never undergone such experiences with him.

My mother eventually moved on, married the guy she loved, has her own business and three beautiful daughters (as she says it).  She couldn’t ask for more…life is good again!!

This is just one of the million stories that take place in India in every second home. I would like to request the parents to start talking to their children like friends so that their children can trust them. Those unfortunate children are suffering already. Do not make them suffer more by not trusting them or worse, by not even listening to them.  Let’s make India’s future brighter by taking care of its present.

 

Source – http://www.riseforindia.com/mom-abused-by-elder-cousin/

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