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Blog Archives

Gender Female

Was: a victim
City: Bus/Chennai
Was wearing chudithar/salwar kameez with dupatta
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)
Incident was: One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 20-30

Experience:
It was a Sunday afternoon, I was in my third year of engineering. I was returning to my hostel in Kodambakkam from Kilpauk in 17-D bus. The bus was very crowded. I was standing as there were no empty seats. I am a sturdy girl of height 5 feet 6 inches.(You will know why I am mentioning this at the end of the post). A lean and short guy hit me once, I thought it was because the bus was very much crowded and of the bad road. I moved away from him standing facing the windows. The bus became little crowded as it crossed the Valluvar kottam stop. When the bus was nearing the Meenakshi college stop, he fell over me from the back with force , that I was about hit the windows.Think as how hard he would have pushed me that a girl of my height would have fallen. I started shouting at him all abusive words I know. I even said that I would give an Eve-Teasing complaint. Nobody around me said anything not even the conductor.The lady who was observing us was the only one to say that I moved away from him and still he was after me. He got down as soon as he hit me and I still remember as what he said. He said it was me who was falling on me. I still cant forget that day. I cant forget how angry I was,very much more on the public which just stood watching.

Incident 2:
I am no stranger to bus travels in the night. As usual, I was travelling back to my hometown in a private bus from Chennai at 10:00 pm bus. An old man of respectable age came and told me that I was occupying his seat and that my seat was the one before his seat. I got up and changed the seat. It was in the middle of night after all the lights were shut off. I saw his fingers coming from back. I pulled up my seat. Then again he tried to touch below my neck. This time, I got up and occupied the front seat where his hands wont reach me. I was fuming over. The bus was not crowded. I kept vigilant the entire journey. When I was about to get down in my stop, I pulled over my laptop which was above his head and dropped it on his head. He cried in pain. I took the bag and went ahead with out looking back

I wish I had more courage those days. I tried my best to erase these things from my memory but they haunt me whenever I travel alone. As now I always carry a small blade with me.

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Gender Female

Was: a victim
City: Bus, Chennai
Was wearing school uniform
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)
Incident was: One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 20-30

Experience:
It was during my 12th. My school is situated behind a Men’s College and the school’s closure timing and the college’s coincide.
I was waiting for a not-so-crowded bus at the bus stop for quite sometime. Later I had to get into a crowded one. Few of the college guys were passing explicit comments about me for which i decided ignorance is the best thing. Later, one of them tried getting close to me or i would rather frame it as molested me. I screamed at the person and kept yelling until the bus was stopped. The bus conductor tried quietening me down and completely ignored the guy who was supposed to be punished.
I wanted the bus to be taken to a nearby Police Station. But the elderly people in the bus asked me to forget the whole incident and think that none of it ever happened. The bus conductor asked me to get down the bus so that the bus can start moving again.
It feels so wrong that women always are expected to never retaliate to such situationsquiet

2 Comments

Gender Male

Was: a witness

City: Chennai

Was wearing I don’t remember
Reaction: Helpless, Passively Endured

Incident was: One time

Perpetrator was a Friend or acquaintance and aged Less than 20

Experience:
I was in my 10th Standard and was returning from some classes in Ashok Nagar with a few of my classmates. We were three in the cycle in which we were riding. I was in the front, another classmate was riding the bike and a third one was in the back.
A few college girls were passing by and the guy sitting in the back started passing some comments on the girls. I was annoyed by his behaviour and got down from the cycle and started walking my way back when suddenly the other 2 guys turned around the cycle to

the direction in which the girls were going and started riding fast. When they got closer the bastards slapped the back of one of the girls and fled.
It was such a disgusting feeling as I had a sister back home who would have been as uncomfortable with such an incident.
I met those guys again the next day and gave them a lot of gyan on why they should not have done it …blah blah… but it never really sunk into their head…
For some weird reason I never severed relationship with these perverts until the early stages of my career and today looking at what they have done to their co-workers, family or others around I wish I realised that perverts should be made outcast as early as possible and not be allowed to mingle with the society.

My lesson from this is that if any of us find people around us who do not fit our moral values better stay away from them as they hardly change… I may be wrong and some may really change but I’ve not known anyone who has been a pervert in School days but changed later to be a

responsible and moral citizen.FINE ART PRINTS, CHILDREN

No Comments

Gender Male

Was: a victim
City: Chennai
Was wearing I don’t remember
Reaction: Helpless, Passively Endured
Incident was: Recurring

Perpetrator was a Neighbour and aged Less than 20

Experience:
Today, I’m a changemaker and try to bring about a positive change in the lives of children and young adults through education but I wasn’t always like this.
I was a below average student (medical reasons) and was always told how good people around are in their academic pursuits.
I was about 12 years old when I started facing sexual harassment at the hands of my neighbour who was in his late teens. He was supposed to be like a brother helping me with my academic shortcomings but in the absence of my anybody at our homes he would make be perform oral favours to him that I

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would not well comprehend in the initial days but soon I could sense it was not something that was meant to be. His next advancement was towards my sister who was about 3 years younger to me which I realised could be bad and started spending more time with this man so that his advances towards my sister could be checked. It worked but at the cost of severe mental trauma to me which has not allowed me to engage in any form of sexual encouters even after 18 years. He had to relocate to a different town for his post graduation and the abuse stopped in about a year but I cant imagine what could have happened to me if this man had continued living in my neighbourhood as a extended member of my family.
I put through this inspite of knowing that my parents are brave to confront anything head on if it affects us (I & my sister) as I was not sure how to communicate this awkward situation to my angle gaurdians who could not see through the evil thoughts and actions of their otherwise pious neighbour.child-abuse-1
This is not an isolated incident and over the years I’ve come across many such

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people living in our society who do this to kids irrespective of the gender. Had it not been for the moral education of my parents I would have turned to be one of those culprits myself!!! My study of psychology helps me understand the rationale that suppressed

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emotions become part of your character, especially if it is not addressed in a timely manner.

Unlike the US or many other countries we do not have a knowledge base of how to handle these issues. What HumanFirst should work towards is building a knowledgebase of possible problems and how to tackle them physically, emotionally and legally.

 

* Name changed on request

1 Comment

Gender Female

Was : a victim

City : Chennai

Was wearing : school uniform

Reaction : Moved away silently

Incident was : multiple times

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 30-40

I am sharing few incidents that hurt me the most during my child hood.

I was in 4th or 5th standard then. My father was a business man & my mom was supporting him in his business. Everyday they would leave early in the morning and sometimes returned home as late as 10  or 11 PM. During weekends, they take me with them to their office. Sometimes I refuse to go with them as it was extremely boring to sit at the office, doing nothing and preferred to stay at home.
One evening, I was watching TV lying on an easy chair. It was almost 8 PM and my parents had not returned. My neighborhood uncle, aged 35 – 40 years, came inside asking me if he could watch the TV with me as the TV in his house wasn’t working. I got up in respect, offering him the easy chair. He asked me sit on it and sat down on the floor beside me. After ten minutes, he suddenly took off my frock and started fingering. I was taken aback and did not know how to react. I became numb. I was blaming myself for not wearing underwear. He would stop every 5 to 10 minutes to see if anyone is coming and continue. I did not know how to stop him; I was praying that no one should see this as I was afraid that people might call me a bad girl. After about two hours, my parents came home.
Hearing their footsteps, he quickly covered me with my frock. My parents were surprised to see him and thanked him for looking after me when I was alone.

Once again when I was alone, he tried to use the situation. I got irritated and called him a dog. Then I shut the door in front of him and did not open it until my parents returned. He got frightened and went back. I then realized how I should react to him to send him away. But still he would disturb me whenever I were alone and try to use the situation. But I escaped from him by shouting back and
locking myself inside our house.

One noon I was returning home from school. As I opened the main gate of our house, a fat man, who came in a bicycle, stopped at our house and came to me asking for an address. Like a child, I told him where it was. He slowly asked me which standard I studied and if there were any health inspection in our school. It somehow coincided that there was indeed a health inspection that day. I told him yes and that the health checks are due to me the next day. He said he is a member of the campaign and started pressing the sides of my breast. He asked me if it hurt, I said no, thinking he is really checking my health. Then he asked me to turn back, raised my uniform and removed my underwear. He then put his palm between my buttocks and fingered my vagina from behind. He asked me if it pained. This
time I said yes, to stop him from doing it, realizing his real intention. Then he asked me to turn front to see my front part. I said no I would not. He kept talking with me for few minutes to see if I would accept. I said a strong no and then he went away in his cycle. I was feeling shameless for not realizing his intention in the first instance. I was blaming myself for being so innocent.

I had gone for a wedding with my parents when I was around 12 years of age. A guy, aged 20 approximately, was constantly watching me wherever I went. I found it uneasy but thought it is normal for guys to see girls in weddings. I wanted to go to the washroom and called my mom to accompany me. But she told me where it was and asked me to go on my own. When I was sitting in the closet, someone pushed the door hard to open it (the door was made of just an ordinary metal sheet). Even before I could get up, the door was opened and the guy who was watching me throughout the wedding was standing out. He watched me for almost 2 minutes and quickly went away hearing someone coming. I felt ashamed and ran to my parents. On my way, I saw him sitting with his gang of friends and having a nice gala time. I was bursting inside and hurriedly asked my parents to leave. My mom scolded me for asking them to leave so early. I was unable to tell my mom what happened and was silently blaming her inside my mind for not accompanying me to the washroom.

I am now the mother of a 2 years old baby girl. I do not trust any of my neighbors and ensure that she is not left alone with anyone. I will educate her on good touch & bad touch and teach her how to react if anyone ever tries to misbehave with her. I will tell her that it is not her fault and not to feel guilty if anyone ever behaves that way. Most importantly, I will ask her to share every incident with me. I think this is every parent’s responsibility.

easychair

1 Comment

Gender Male

Was: a victim
City: Main road in Chennai
Was wearing school uniform
Reaction: Helpless, Passively Endured
Incident was: One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and aged 40-50

Experience:
What could possibly go wrong by just accepting a ride back home from school?

The incident happened when I was in high school (standard XI).  I was walking home from school when an old(ish) man with grey hair and riding a motorcycle, stopped and offered me a ride till the bus stop at the end of the road. I figured I was lucky that day since I had never got an offer from any stranger before, and I was in a hurry back home anyway; I accepted the ride. Halfway towards the bus stop, he asked me where my house was; I told him, and he replied that he is anyway going somewhere close by and he can drop me in a bus stop near my house. I agreed a second time, thinking that I was lucky after all.

However, soon after, in the middle of the road, he stuck his hand behind him, and started rubbing my genital organ. I resisted his advances, but I did not have the nerve to react or fight back. This went on for a little distance, and then he took my hand in front of him & forced me to rub his organ. I resisted a bit more, at which point he threatened me saying, “Don’t act like a good boy. I know what you do when you boys are alone.” (By the way, he spoke fluent English.) I was initially too stunned at that comment to react; slowly I mustered my courage and forced him to stop by threatening him that I will try to get the attention of a traffic cop standing nearby.

I got down immediately after he stopped the vehicle, but he didn’t let me go completely. He caught my hand, forced it up on his genitalia and asked me to squeeze it for him. “One hard squeeze, and I will let you go.” I was just thinking of getting out of there asap, so I first obeyed him instinctively. But he was not satisfied with my squeeze, asking me to tighten my grip more & more. When I couldn’t take it anymore after a stage, I just loosened my grip and repeated my warning that I will call for attention unless he lets me go. He relented finally, and I walked away.

Aftermath: I was quite shocked for a few days after the incident. Fortunately, however, the incident was rather brief, and it did not leave any long-term or disastrous impact on me. I do think about it from time to time, feeling embarrassed by my helplessness in that situation. Finally, this incident remained a complete secret for about seven years, until I told my friend last year. I did not know how to bring it up with my parents, friends, or teachers.Photo-on-2-22-13-at-6.26-PM

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IMG_0810Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: house-Chennai
Was wearing Short skirt and top
Reaction: Helpless, Passively Endured

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Family member or Relative and aged 40-50

Experience:

I was 12 or 13, I use to visit my uncle’s place very often as a kid. I really enjoyed the company of my cousins, we spent a lot of time together as kids. So, one night as usual my uncle was drunk and he was tell us a story, me and my girl cousin. I thought he was trying to put us to sleep. We lied down in a row, my uncle was facing my back. He had his drunk face over my face. as he was narrating something, I felt some thing slimy in my back. I didn’t know what it was, all I knew is that it didn’t feel good. I was feeling really uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. He kept push in that slimy thing of his into my butt. After what seemed like half an hour or so, I finally got up, saying I wanna go to the restroom and went and slept in my aunt’s room.
I am 18 now. it was very recent that I realized that i was a victim of child sexual abuse. the memory is still fresh in my mind. I don’t know how to over come it, or get rid of that memory.

1 Comment

Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: Train/Chennai
Was wearing Jeans and Kurta
Reaction: Helpless, Passively Enduredimage7

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Stranger and older than 50

Experience:
A victim of exhibitionism!

When I sat down to write to my story, the first question that came to mind is   “which incident should I write about “. Though it seems silly, the truth is I have been a victim (in appropriate touching / verbal / visual) more than once…

This incident happened during my under grad days in a crowded electric day train. I was traveling to Bangalore from Chennai along with my best friend. After sometime, I noticed that a man was standing next to my seat. I have no clue when / which station he boarded. He was around 50 years old. Dressed well and had a briefcase in his hand.  He politely asked us, at which train station we are going to get down so that he sit in my seat. At that point since he looked genuine we did reply to him. After this conversation, he adjusted his position and location such that he is clearly visible to us!!

After 30 minutes or so, I noticed that my friend was behaving weird and felt very uncomfortable. She abruptly stopped talking to me and turned the other direction. I asked her what was going on.(??)

All she said was “Nish! Antha poruki ena panara paren…” (Look at him)

I looked at the guy and was shocked to see what he was doing. He was showing his genitals from a distance and trying to do “IT”. At this point if you are wondering how he managed to do it in public..?? , this is what he did – He comfortably held his briefcase in such a way so that except us no one can see his golden act. He realized that we noticed what he was doing and became more “happy”.  When all this was happening, he retained calmness in his face and no one will even suspect that something was going on.  Now and then he casually looked around to make sure no one else noticed him.

Both of us didn’t know what to. We felt embarrassed to complain about it to our fellow passengers. After 10 min we couldn’t take it anymore.
This is what we did: I asked a co-passenger (male) if he can switch place with us. Since the guy was at distance he couldn’t hear our conversation. He though I was complaining about him and left the place immediately and never came back.
While were getting down at the Bangalore station, we spotted him in another compartment standing next a little gal (~15 years old probably). We both knew ‘why the hell’ he was standing there.

Both of us just looked at each other sadly…

3 Comments

Gender woman

Was: a victim
City: House/Chennai
Was wearing salwar kameez chudithar without dupatta
Reaction: Moved away silently

Incident was : One time

Perpetrator was a Family member or Relative and aged Less than 20

Experience:
I have been staring at this screen for 10 minutes now a liitle choked up. Just thinking about this incident brings back the memory I would like to erase but it feels as though it happened just yesterday. The worst part- a very close relative did this to me and I can’t cut that person out of my life even if I tried.

I was a very happy 12 yr old since my older male cousins were in town. This meant me and my brother had a valid excuse to bunk school for a day or two, play computer games/cricket and sleep late. I dint think my cousins were any different from my own brother. We would all sleep in the same room whenever they visited. That fateful night I was in the middle of the bed, with my cousins on either side of me. My back faced the eldest cousin since I sleep on my sides, my eyes were shut and I was about to fall asleep when I felt a hand get into the back of my nighti(night dress) and slide all the way to my butt. I felt so scared and quickly moved in the dark. Cousin got up and went into the bathroom and wasnt out for a long time. I got out of the room and slept with my parents that night.

All I could think of was what happened that night but I dint dare open up to anybody. My cousin behaved as though everything was fine the rest of his vacation and left. His dad apologised on his behalf 4 years later and told me that he had confessed to him immediately after the incident. An adult’s open and honest communication about the incident somehow erased all the guilt and gave me the courage to confront him. Once I spoke to him and he told me how sorry he was, I could bring myself to talk about it.

The whole incident is still very traumatising to me and it completely changed the equation I shared with my cousin. Also coming from a very sexually repressed society nobody teaches you how to handle your sexual energy (my cousin) and also how to react/respond in the event of an abuse. My parents are the best in the world according to me, still I couldnt talk to them about it – 1. I was ashamed of myself 2. I somehow thought my parents would blame/hate me for it or wouldnt take me seriously 3. I dint want my family to fight with each other 4. I dint want my cousins to hate me and stop visiting.

I have forgiven him for what he did but it can never be forgotten and will remain a painful yet a very distinct memory from my childhood.

DSCF4252

2 Comments

Gender Female

Was a : victim

City : Chennai/House

Was wearing school uniform

Reaction : Passively endured

Incident was : Recurring

Perpetrator was a Relative and aged more than 50

Experience :

I was in class 4, I used to often stay at my aunt’s place (My father’s sister) as my parents were working. My aunt was a lovely lady, very loving, like a mother. She had no idea. My uncle used to play cartoons on the tv, make me lie down with him, put a blanket over us, and he would then put his hands inside my dress and finger me. I was very uncomfortable, I knew something was miserably wrong, but I had no idea what to do. It was deeply shameful, and as a child I was just confused. This happened probably 2-3 times. My aunt would come around asking if we need anything to eat etc, and he would kind of hurriedly shoo her away saying we’re fine, and that he is telling me a bedtime story or something like that. After that we moved our house so I was spared the ordeal of staying with them. When this happened, my aunt and uncle already had grandchildren, my uncle must have been 50-55 atleast..

I slowly shared it with my cousin a year later, and she said she underwent the same with him. We both were 10 years old then, we then created a diary, where we would draw pictures of him and then stab him with a knife, scribble ‘bad words’ over him or something like that or something to that effect.. I don’t remember clearly..

Several years later, my aunt passed away. I was in college then, my uncle’s drinking habits worsened, and I found him lying on the street one day,I had half a mind to leave him there , but then somehow, I quickly hailed an auto and dropped him back home. That day I came home and told my mother what had happened several years earlier, she was shocked and speechless. My little brother who overheard us talking, then walked into the room and confided in her too, that when he was 6 years old, that uncle had stripped in front of my brother and tried to force my brother to touch and feel him. My brother did it once or twice, was repulsed and ran out of the room, but had never mentioned it to anyone till date…

So that is 3 of us, as far as I know, who were abused by the uncle, if only I had spoken up, maybe I could have spared the other two from this ordeal? Or maybe I could have ruined my aunt’s life? I’m not sure.. He was the only breadwinner, and my aunt wasn’t working..Very recently I told his daughter-in- law about this, she wasn’t shocked at all, and she said she caught him trying to peek

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BeFunky_OldPhoto_5

2 Comments
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