*Ninad – Gender man Was: a witness City: Society/Gurgaon

 
 

Gender man

Was: a witness
City: Society/Gurgaon
Was wearing Long Skirt and top
Reaction: Reacted (yelling, complaining, slapping, fighting back)

Perpetrator was a Neighbour and aged 20-30

Incident was : One time

Experience:
This happened to a close friend of mine, in 2010 when she was around 21 years old. I am going to narrate this in first person, as she had told to me. I think it will have a better effect.

To take a break from stress, I had gone with two long-time close male friends whom I and my family trusted, to a regular pub. After some drinks I had become unexpectedly drowsy. We were about to leave, and were approached by a guy whom I just knew from my neighbourhood. He’d asked me out once but nothing had come off it and we weren’t friends or anything. This man claimed to be my friend from my society and offered to drop me home. I was too drowsy at the time to confirm or deny, and my friends, with a few drinks in themselves, thought it to be convenient and so loaded me into his car and let me go.
I was in a totally dazed state at the time and had only fleeting glimpses of where I was and what was going on. We entered my society, and he led me up the building. But after we entered the apartment it turned out it wasn’t my home; it was his. I was totally confused at the time and was asking where my home was. He didn’t even bother asking me or explaining his intentions to me. He lay me down, undressed me and himself, and only when he was just about to enter me, God knows what force took over me but I reacted and pushed him off with my legs violently. This convulsion finally forced me back to some degree of consciousness, and struck some fear in him. I figured out what was going on, screamed at him, pulled my stuff back together and ran out of there and got back home.

At home I broke down completely and after a long time was able to relay the events to my mother. But I just didn’t have the heart to tell anything to my father. After recovering a bit by the next day, I confronted the man who tried to rape me, and he pretended total innocence, claiming that I was in by consent, and asked me to forget the whole thing and move on!

When I told my friends (who were supposed to look after me) about the events, they first defended themselves without even bothering to understand what I’d just been through! I don’t even remember what I had said to them in my drowsiness, but according to them it was enough to completely trust a stranger with me! They shifted the blame to me, saying I should have told them properly. How the hell could I have, in the state I was in?? I had gone WITH them specifically so they could step in and PROTECT me in case I can’t protect myself. Oh, and the best defense all three of these men had for themselves: “It’s not my fault, I was drunk, not completely in my senses.”

It was a very long time, several weeks of crying and questioning before my friend was able to move on to some degree of normalcy. She didn’t have the ability to approach the police and risk all that exposure (especially a place like Gurgaon!). So that bastard got away and who knows, he might have repeated it again with other women also by now. Heck, she couldn’t even tell her dad or siblings. Her own childhood friends had abandoned her and then shrugged off all responsibility. Anything could have happened to her that night. It was sheer luck that it happened in her own housing colony that she was able to run back to her home on foot. Many others in her place have not been so lucky. For a long time after this she would keep asking me if there was something wrong with her, if really somehow she was to blame for what happened, and if not then why does the world act like it?

I was very disturbed on hearing this. I had just moved to another city and could do nothing except be a listener and consoler. We could not bring any attention to the matter – her father was NOT to know. The attacker is at best, another regular young male just like me. When with my buddies we regularly fantasized and joked about one-night stands, “if only I could get some chick drunk enough so I can bang her”. The same thoughts must have run through that guy and without caring about her consent, he jumped at the opportunity. But upon seeing this from my friend’s perspective, and listening and feeling how it feels to be on the receiving end, I was just shaken completely and left questioning my manhood, my ego, everything that made me proud of myself as a man. What if I or one of

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my friends ends up doing something like this?

I think the best way to prevent something like this from happening with others, is to share the story and shame other men for the attitude we have towards women. I’m doing this for her and for everyone who has or will be through such an experience, and for everyone who’s ever thought of doing something like this to a woman. I know I have. Thank you for creating a space for this.

*-Name changed on requestimages

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